Moron Monday

So today was not my favorite day on record. I seem to be having a lot of those lately – it must be so much fun to read my posts! Maybe that’s why google analytics said we’ve had zero readers since about Thanksgiving. And here I thought that site wasn’t working or something.

ANYWAY. Today.

The day got off to a splendid start when Andy woke me up by saying “Someone’s puking.” That someone ended up being Kate, who threw up twice before the alarm was set to go off. Yay. It was my turn to staff the sick bay so I made the 10,000 calls it requires to arrange for me, Kate and Sam to be out for the day and stayed home. Except we couldn’t exactly stay home, because today was also the one day a month that the cleaning lady was scheduled to come. We canceled her last visit here due to Kate puking last month, and I wasn’t about to do it again. My shower and kitchen floor were begging me not to. So we had to leave the house for a quick five hours.

Here’s where things really went down the tubes.

I needed to go to CVS and to run some things to Andy at school. One of the things he needed was money, and unfortunately I misplaced my debit card a couple weeks ago, which made getting cash challenging. I had a flash from my childhood and remembered that back in the olden days, people used to write checks to “cash” and get money from the bank. So, I wrote such a check for $100 and loaded up the kids and a bunch of junk in the car. We went to CVS and then headed to the bank, but when we got there, the check was nowhere to be found. I was still able to get money using a withdrawl slip (duh), so I dropped off all the junk to Andy and headed to my grandma’s (see again, homeless nomads on a sick day). She and I both scoured my car for the missing check. Not there. I scoured the CVS parking lot. Not there. It was nowhere, and there was nothing to do but wait to see if $100 would magically vanish from our checking account.

Then I decided it would be prudent to check with the pediatrician about Kate’s situation. To be honest, what I really wanted to find out was if it was ok to send her to school after these random incidents because juggling days off (especially when she seems FINE) is getting old. However when I told the nurse “My daughter has been vomiting semi-regularly since December 12,” her reaction was less “It’s cool, you must be tired of taking off work, send the girl to school already!” and more “Um yeah, that is somewhat concerning, you should bring her in.” So I took her in, toting her brother along with us. The doc had no explanation but wanted to explore it further and sent us down the road to the children’s hospital outpost to get an x-ray. But when we got there, I couldn’t find the written orders the doctor had given me 10 minutes before. I scoured my car for the missing paper. Not there. I piled the kids back in the car, went back to the doctor’s office to find it. Not there. It – like the check – was nowhere.

My car was obviously eating paper.

So we went back to the x-ray place, where they sent me back out to my car just to “double-check” and then eventually called the doctor to fax the order over. (Which really, that office needs to step up the technology. I also had to fill out a yearly update that required me to write our home address four times and record Andy’s social security number in three different places. Let’s get with the program, people. There are unorganized moms like me all over the place.) By that time, I was tweeting about hating being me. I was *thisclose* to offing myself.

We finally got the x-ray done (which was clear, but we still don’t know what the issue is) and after a leisurely trip to Target and Jimmy John’s we got the ok from the cleaning lady to re-inhabit our house. When we got home, the missing check from this morning was safely tucked in our mailbox, with a note from the mailman saying he’d found it in the street a few houses down.

My faith in humanity was restored.

My faith in myself, however, will take a while to recover.

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14 Replies to “Moron Monday”

  1. Sounds like a typical day at the Duggar house, Mrs. Duggar thinks you’re a wuss too. And we thought it was just Jenny.

    I could not survive without the cleaning lady.

    Also, it will take more than well-sighted mail man to restore my faith in humanity.

    Very funny post.

    UP

  2. oh cousin! that sounds super horrible. I am really bad with paper, too. The doc has given me orders to get Jonah’s blood tested for lead because we have an old house twice…and let’s just say he’s gonna have to give them to me again at his 15 month appt. (Besides neither of the other kids ever had lead in their system GAH it’s totally going to be a WASTE OF MY TIME!) Also I once scared the crap out of sophie by wailing forlornly when I couldn’t find her medical form for preschool. In my defense I was 8 months pregnant at the time.
    But really. can’t they just magically zap documents to our PHONES these days??
    Oh, and your mail man is awesome!

  3. wow- yay for your mailman!

    How about not throwing your checks in the street next time? If you want to give your money away I’m sure there are easier ways. 😉

  4. The only good thing about that day was what an awesome post it made, so be thankful. 😉 Your analytics should be soaring now. From me, no advice on losing things. I just called around to every store I visited over Christmas trying to locate my debit card. Would you mind looking in your mailbox for it?

  5. What a nice mailman! BTW I HATE those pediatrician forms. Do you go to Cornerstone too? I asked them about putting the twins’s SSN numbers on there because I didn’t have them yet, and they were like “Oh we don’t really need those.” So I never put them down any more. And for the address you have to enter like 47 times? I just write SAME. On BOTH forms, since I have to fill out separate ones for each twin on each visit, which seem like they are once a week. Seriously people, just email it to me and I will probably fill it out much faster. Get with the program.

  6. Oh Emily, what a month! I am so sorry Kate is getting sick so often. I pray the doctors can find out what’s wrong. As for your mailman, he’s fantastic!

  7. Why is it that when you have a bad day your post is so funny? Just read your post. It will improve your day/spirits. Also so too much talk about the cleaning lady. Diane reads your post and may want one.

  8. Very funny post but I feel your pain actually being in the middle of it at the time!! Rest assured you are not the only mother slowly finding herself going crazy!

  9. That is a crazy day!! But agreed, you angst made a great post. Hope you figure out what’s wrong with Kate. Also, I mostly just wanted to comment to say “I’m reading” so google analytics must be lying to you. Don’t worry, your readers are here and you’re not scaring us away with your rants. 🙂

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