Driving home from a quick trip to the bank last week, we stopped, as we always do, at a stop sign that guards the corner of a side street and our street, which is a busy “main drag.” As I looked back and forth in preparation for my left turn that would lead us home, Joshua piped up from the back seat, “Mom, why is there a word on the stop sign?” I hadn’t even really looked at the stop sign, I mean, I know it’s there, and I stopped without actually looking at it (’cause dudes, I cannot afford another ticket!) As I raised my eyes to see what Joshua was talking about, I saw that below the word “stop” someone had painted with white spray paint, a hate word. One that starts with an F and rhymes with bag and hag and rag.
“What is that word, mom?”
Cars were coming each direction. I couldn’t turn left. I was stuck with hateful graffiti and an inquisitive four-year-old.
“It’s not a nice word, honey. So I’m not going to tell you what it is.”
“F*g? F*g isn’t a nice word?”
Did I mention my inquisitive four-year-old can already read? Hearing him say that word made me want to vomit.
“No, honey, it’s not a nice word, and not something we should ever say.”
Finally, my chance to turn left came. I turned and then made a quick right into our driveway, half a block and yet worlds away from that stop sign.
“Why did someone write that word on the stop sign?”
“I don’t know, baby, but it wasn’t a nice thing to do. It was a wrong choice. And you may never say that word, okay?”
“Okay. I didn’t write it.”
“I know, honey.”
“Did Daddy do it?”
“No, baby, your daddy would never do something wrong or mean like that.”
With that, I got out of the car, got the kids out, and we headed inside. I went through the motions of a normal afternoon, but inside I was simmering with anger. Why did some idiot have to paint a word like that on our corner? We live in the city – but seriously – that corner is home to a house and a church on one side and a body shop on the other. So why? I don’t know, but I’d like to take that can of spray paint and shove it down their throat, nozzle engaged. No, that isn’t very Christian of me, but hearing the word “f*g” come out of your four-year-old’s mouth will do things to a woman. Even if it’s said in the most innocent of ways, just knowing that the word exists has taken some of that innocence away – my child’s innocence. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the existence of a kind of person that would do such a thing – Did Daddy do it?– he can’t even picture the perpetrator, and for that I am grateful. He doesn’t know anyone mean, or bad, or hateful. But I know it won’t always be that way and it just makes me want to build the child a cocoon, or go live in a holler (like the one from whence I came) or dag-nabbit, maybe just blindfold him whenever we leave the house. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. Blindfold Joshua and make sure Sophie never learns how to read!
All right, I’m getting a little crazy here. But seriously, mommies, does that not just make you wince?
We stopped at that corner again yesterday, and the word had been painted over. “Look mommy, the bad word isn’t there anymore!” Joshua yelled triumphantly.
He was happy that it had been set right. He hadn’t forgotten that there was wrong done in that place, but I am hoping this incident fades from his memory soon.
I know it won’t soon fade from mine.
I have come to believe there are more disadvantages to early reading than advantages. I hate it when Lily reads something she shouldn’t know about.
I hate the world we have to raise our kids in. Can we just build a bubble and hang out in that?
I totally understand. You just want to shield your babies from the badness of the world. If we could only keep them innocent forever. Sorry your son had to see it. Heck, I’m sorry people feel they need to write it where anyone could see it.
If the bubble contains a climbing wall, bouncy castle, super-mega slide, Rice Krispie treats and, naturally, Starbucks, count us in!
Thanks for pointing out my GIANT oversight Jenny….AND CVS!!!!!!!!
I know exactly how you feel – the first and only time I took my kids to our local park about half a mile from our house, I was confronted with absolutely filthy language (much more and much worse than what you encountered) written in permanent marker all over the tunnels. We live in a small mountain town with a bunch of bored jr. high/highschoolers. Granted my kids are too young to read, but I was very discouraged. I ended up getting together with another mom in the area that next saturday with rubbing alcohol and scrubby sponges and got most of it off…
Okay, it is exactly this type of thing that makes me want to keep my children at home forever. I don’t even want them to have any friends. Or ever take them to a park (where vulgarities are written in sharpie marker on the play structures). Some people (not all!) say that we can’t protect our kids forever, and letting them see the real world is good teaching for them to learn how to deal with real life, I say, “Yes of course, BUT NOT AT 5 YEARS OLD!!!” I know my kids will grow up and be naughty and hear bad words, etc. But your title is exactly right: I don’t want their innocence vandalized.
Great post!!
That so irks me. I don’t want to have to explain stuff like that to my kiddos. My kids are nice and comfy in the bubble!
Yeah, pretty crappy. Sounds like you handled it well .But wasn’t it coolthat he was able to see that a wrong was righted? And he saw that when you see a wrong, you can do something about it!
My babies are going to be launched into real life. We’ll be living in a neighborhood with lots of other kids. From whence we came, we lived in the country and I could carefully pick and choose who my kids played with.
I’ve already talked to them about how they do things that other kids their age may think isn’t “cool.” But that if they like them, there is NO reason to stop. i.e. my 14 yr old still plays with Playmobil.
Ugh. Why can’t we protect them forever???