Spit, Splatter, Splatter

Spit, Splatter, Splatter

I am her. I am she. She who I did not want to be.

If I sound a little like Dr. Seuss, it’s because my three-year-old Joshua has just discovered the good Doctor and we’ve been reading him A LOT lately.

But back to me. Today was a messy one for me in the annals of Motherhood. Today I was that mom, the one I hate to be, the one who has CRAP all over her, who is just covered in messy, sloppy, dirty stuff.

I made it to noon pretty clean, but we had lunch at Wendy’s after a play date with Joshua’s friend Conner (and my friend Megan) and I made the mistake of letting Joshua drink his chocolate milk straight out of the little bottle it comes in. Sure enough, while he was doing his usual playing-instead-of-eating trick, he knocked the open bottle off of the table and on to the floor, where it splattered ALL over my right leg and foot. Since I was wearing my Lands End Trellos (think Crocs with square holes instead of round ones), my entire foot was soaked in chocolate milk! It was lovely to say the least. Four hundred napkins and a couple of baby wipes later, my foot and shoe were fairly clean but my capri pants were still pretty milky. Which reminds me, I reallllly need to put those in the washer!

The next act of splatter to occur was my own klutzy fault. I was heating up my daughter Sophia’s baby food carrots, and I dropped the jar lid on the floor, splattering carrots all over my poor right foot again. Once again the holes in my Trellos subjected my toes to said flying food product. Carrots a-squishing between my toes. Yummy!

Five minutes later as I was feeding the carrots to Sophie when she spit a mouthful back out at me, projectile-style. This time it was my face and chest that got splattered. I didn’t really mind, though, as this meant I could skip my nightly application of bronzing lotion.

As I got Sophie ready for bed, I pondered my general grossness and thought to myself, “At least I don’t have anyone else’s bodily fluids on me.” That was something to be thankful for!

Then I laid her on my lap to nurse. She smiled and sneezed all over my face. Mark “bodily fluids” off the list. I wiped my face off and cried “Sophie!!!” with much consternation. She smiled angelically at me. I unhooked my nursing bra. She sneezed all over my face again.

I guess I can also skip my nightly moisturizer application.

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14 Replies to “Spit, Splatter, Splatter”

  1. Right there with you sister – For the 7th time! What I would not give to pull a shirt out of my closet with out a stain on it!

    In fact I have cleaned up more bodily fluids than I care to think about – this week!

    I think of our oldest now and realize how fast it goes though. 🙂

  2. I think snot maybe the “body fluid” of the month for me. Bronwen has had a cold forever, and the streams of snot running down her face is alway keeping me on my toes. My favorite is when I get dressed in the morning in my oh so professional office wear, get her dressed, cleaned, fed and into the car and off to day care when I realize as I am walking into the office that somehow, when I wasn’t looking she rubbed her snotty nose all over my shoulder and now I have a crusty dried boogers on my clothes. HA!

  3. Oh yes….the chocolate milk disaster….I was there and I witnessed the whole kit and kaboodle….by the wya whatever happened to kaboodles, do they still make them? Anyway, Jenny, you handled the situation with grace and poise….I imagine Grace Kelly or Marhta Stewart would be proud!

  4. I’m so immune to all of that by now. LOL! I’ll even go out without realizing that I have spit up all over my blouse!

    Thank you for joining us at the Carnival of Family Life!

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