In approximately 30 days I am going to have a baby.
In 30 days I will go from two kids to three. I will have an almost-7-year old, a 4-year-old, and a newborn.
I know it, but I can’t really comprehend it. On the outside we’re ready; crib, diapers, clothes, car seat – all ready.
But on the inside? I don’t know. I’m fairly terrified. I’m so excited to meet my baby, and so TIRED of being uncomfortably pregnant, but I’m scared. There’s so much I don’t remember about having a baby. I have two children who already need, need, NEED me. How can there be anything left? Who will meet their needs when I am constantly breastfeeding for the next zillion months? Will they resent the baby? Will they resent me for spending so much of my energy on him? Will they understand that I love them as much as ever?
It wasn’t that hard for Joshua to accept Sophie into our family. But for Sophie, I think it’s going to be much more difficult to accept Jonah. She’s been the baby for four years. And I’m still not convinced she “gets” it – I don’t think she will get it until we bring him home.
Transition scares the pants off me.
But, it’s coming. Like a freight train with failed brakes! Jonah has already made his way into our hearts and soon he will be in our HOME.
I just hope I live to blog about it!