Mommin' It Up!

July 27, 2007January 3, 2009

The Turd that Broke the Camel’s Back

If you’re a regular Mommin’ It Up reader (and really, why wouldn’t you be?), you know it took me just shy of 493 years to potty train my son Joshua. I gave up a couple of times, and re-started, but the FIRST time I gave up, for the longest period of time, was last September when Joshua was about 30 months old and I was about seven & a half months pregnant with my daughter.

Let me tell you about the day I finally realized the boy just wasn’t ready. I was preparing to take a shower, and I thought I’d be a genius and bring his little potty chair in the bathroom and remove his pants in case he had to go while I was getting clean. I did just that and then got in the shower. A few minutes into it when I’ve got shampoo in my hair, I hear him say, “I don’t have to go potty.” Translation: “I REALLY have to go potty but I don’t want to sit on the potty.” I stuck my head out of the shower. He had “that look” in his eye. You know, the look that signifies that a bowel movement is imminent and unstoppable. Here’s how it went down:

Me: Joshua, do you have to go potty?
Joshua: No, I don’t have to!
Me: Joshua, sit on the potty!
Joshua: No I don’t have to!
Me: JOSHUA SIT ON THE POTTY!
Joshua: I don’t have to go potty!

Joshua then proceeded to brace himself against his play table that we kept in the bathroom to entertain him, get wide-eyed and red faced, shake, grunt, and push out the biggest turd I have ever seen. I mean it was like, half the child’s body weight. It shot out of him with incredible force and broke into several pieces on the bathroom floor.

Did I mention I was 7.5 months pregnant, and soaking wet, with shampoo in my hair?

It was at that moment as I gazed with soap-filled eyes upon the many pieces of turd on my bathroom floor, and my little boy’s astonished face, that I realized this child was NOT going to be potty trained before the second child came along! So I rinsed my hair, jumped (okay, lumbered) out of the shower, toweled off my ginormous body, and cleaned up the turd. Then I put a diaper on my son and put potty training on the shelf, deciding I’d much rather clean poop off my kid’s behind than off my bathroom floor!

July 26, 2007July 26, 2007

Rewind…. 11/17/05. More Milky!

TO: Jenny
From: Emily
Date: 11/17/2005
Subj: More Milky!

Hello my cousin!!!

Guess what happened last night. Ok, it’s not going to seem nearly as traumatic today as it did last night, but here goes. Kate and I went to Bob Evan’s with my grandparents, and Kate fell asleep on the way home.

When we got home, she woke up, and I went about my business putting her in her jammies and making her bottle and stuff (yes, I know she is 19 months old but she still takes a bottle at bedtime!). We were out of whole milk, and we only had a little skim. So anyway, I made her bottle with skim milk, and we went upstairs to rock and for her to drink her bottle. Lately one bottle is not enough (we never got any bigger ones), so after she drained the first bottle, she said “More milky, Mommy” and we went downstairs for another bottle, this time finishing off the remaining milk.

She said the same thing after the second bottle, but there was no more milk to be had, so we said our prayers and I put her in her bed. She FLIPPED out. Screaming, all kinds of stuff. It was awful. So I went up and got her and tried to rock her, but she was screaming for more milk. Snot and tears everywhere… awful. Andy was still out, and I couldnâ€™t get a hold of him on the cell phone. So eventually, I had to pack her up in her car seat – it was snowing, I might add – and go to the Sunoco to get milk… getting her in and out of her car seat while she was screaming, all the while being sure that I was pretty much the most awful mother in history. So anyway, we got home and she drank two more bottles and finally went to sleep. As I suggested, this story doesn’t sound nearly as traumatic for me or Kate the morning after, but it really felt terrible at the time!!

To: Emily
From: Jenny
Date: 11/17/2005
Re: More Milky!

Cousin,
I assure you, it sounds EXTREMELY TRAUMATIC!!!!!!! Poor you!!

TO: Jenny
From: Emily
Date: 11/17/2005
Re: More Milky!

LOL, yes, it was pretty awful!

What I kept thinking, though, as I rocked her while she was drinking the milk we went out to get, was how awful it had been to hear her cry for milk that we didnâ€™t haveâ€¦ and how lucky we were that the only thing preventing us from getting more milk was just that I didnâ€™t want to get her out in the cold. We had a place to get milk and the means to do soâ€¦ it made me consider how much worse it would have been if we just couldnâ€™t have gotten â€œmore milky.â€ So much to be thankful for.

July 25, 2007July 25, 2007

Calling All Harry Potter Fans!

I have a confession to make and I’m not sure how I feel about admitting this to the general public, but here goes.

I have only read the first four Harry Potter books.

I can hear all of you shrieking “You WHAT??” right now. It’s sad but true. (I’m not going to tell you how many Jenny’s read, but I’ll give you a hint – it starts with “z” and ends with “ero”).

I love books. The idea that zillions of kids line up at midnight to buy the latest book (as opposed to, say, the Wii or whatever that thing is called) gives me hope for the future. I am very ashamed of myself for not getting on the bandwagon as well.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I’m going to catch up with the rest of the world and get this book read… but I’m not sure how to go about it.

I vaguely remember the first four books. Should I start with number five (I couldn’t tell you what the title of any of them to save my life, so bear with me as I refer to them by number) or go back to number one? I don’t know.

So I’m leaving it up to all of you Harry Potter experts. The results of the poll below will determine my Harry Potter fate! Make sure you vote before Friday at midnight so I can start reading over the weekend… and leave a comment to tell me why you voted the way you did.

Do you have an idea that I didn’t think of? Let me know, and I’ll add it to the poll.

Thanks for helping me make this crucial decision!