A few months ago, I posted this ultra-classy post about how my hormones were killing me. Headaches, huge zits, etc. – I was dying to wean Sophie so I could start taking the birth control pill to even things out.
Well.
Talk about your all-time backfires.
I started taking it (a kind I’d never taken before) for the first time in five years, almost four weeks ago. Within just a couple of days I started feeling…bad. Nausea, headaches, the occasional puking. It felt kinda like I was pregnant. (When I told Emily about my symptoms, she said, “Congratulations! When are you due?” I would have smacked her, but we were on IM. Let me assure you I am definitely not pregnant.)
I kept taking it, perservering, promising I would get through a whole cycle before I gave up on it. This is the last week of that cycle, and I’m anxious to see if this little pill will make my period any less torturous. It better, because the rest of this month has been AWFUL. Even worse than the physical symptoms have been the emotional ones. I have felt, on and off this month, like I need a stay at the funny farm. I’ve felt depressed, anxious, scared, and just plain irrational. All of it combined is making me feel absolutely CRAZY. Which is not fun.
Yesterday was one of the worst days I’ve had this month. I had a terrible headache all day, and then around 4 pm or so it started to get better…but I started to get really emotional. I tried to turn on PBSKids.org for Sophie, and the volume on the computer wouldn’t work. Sophie freaked out, and I sobbed. (Which did not help Sophie feel better in any way.) I was getting dinner ready and found Sophie had climbed on a chair in the dining room and spilled Joshua’s milk all over the table. I wept as I cleaned it up. A few minutes later I boo-hooed over not being able to get the jar of spaghetti sauce open.
Seriously.
After Bobby came home from work, I pretty much just went to bed. I watched “Tommy Boy” and played Yahtzee on my computer (nerd alert!). I just needed to be…away.
So, we’ll see how this week goes, but I gotta say, at this moment, I don’t think I have the nerve to start next month’s pack of pills. I hate to try another kind and have it not work out either, but…I’m not sure what else to do. I’d rather go back to my pre-pill version of normal crazy than this hopped-up-on-hormones crazy. Coo-Coo-ville, Population Me, is not a fun place to reside.
