Time Warp

Tonight was Kate’s very first elementary school skating party. It was held at the skating rink in our town, where I spent many a Friday night in middle school, and on our way there, I was a little excited. Ok, a lot excited. I am such a dork.

When we walked in, I seriously thought I stepped into 1991 – the skating rink was exactly like it had been when I was a kid, right down to the hand-written signs that say “Positively no smoking!” (Come to think of it, it was probably exactly like it had been when my parents were kids as well.) It brought back so many memories, from my mom and her best friend teaching us kids how to skate (Jenny, I seem to remember a failed attempt to teach you to skate as well…), to waiting anxiously to be picked during the “snowball” skates.

It was awesome.

However, Kate had never been on rollerskates before, and since I hadn’t been on them in approximately 18 years (like riding a bike, I tell ya), things were a little shaky at first. As in, Kate couldn’t stand up, and it was so hard to hold her up while I was on skates. (Yes, I know I shouldn’t have put skates on. But I wanted in on the fun too! It only took me an hour to put my shoes back on.) We wobbled our way out onto the rink, and she “skated” along the side, holding onto the railing.

kate skating 1
(Someday I am going to get a big kid camera and stop taking pictures on my cell phone, I promise.)

We eventually made our way out into the middle of the rink, where the beginners are supposed to be. Unfortunately, that happened to be precisely the time that the Hokey Pokey started. We were so not ready to put our left foot in and our left foot out. I was pretty sure I was going to give her that nursemaids’ shoulder that babies get when their moms pull their arms out of the socket. Not too long into our adventure, I tweeted “Why didn’t I think to google ‘how to teach a kid to skate’ this afternoon!” Seriously I should have thought of that. Duh!

Before too long, Kate started to get the hang of it. She was falling about every 20 seconds, but that was better than she had been doing!

kate skating 2

She fell really hard several times, and I was afraid she was really hurt. The very last time she fell, she landed on her bottom hard, and then I thought to myself (I am totally not kidding) “Why didn’t I think to google ‘what to do when a kid breaks her tailbone’?” I didn’t know if I should pick her up or call 911 or get a stretcher or what. Fortunately, she got tired of waiting on me to figure out what to do, and got up herself.

But let me just say one thing – this roller skating stuff is barbaric. Quite frankly I’m surprised it’s still legal. In the days of professional baby-proofers and kids in booster seats until they get their drivers’ licenses, I cannot believe the blatant disregard for safety while roller skating! There wasn’t a knee pad or an elbow pad or a helmet to be found. At next month’s skating party, I very well might be “That Mom.” And I’ll probably make Kate wear pads and a helmet too. Ha!

In any case, despite the fact that we’ll both be sore and have lots of bruises tomorrow, we had a really great time, and it was so much fun to get to spend a couple hours with Kate on a new adventure.

She is so much fun.

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Sleepdate

As I mentioned the other day, I’ve had a rough month. I am still getting over the virus from hell. Yesterday I was starting to feel human again but then this morning I woke up with my nose full of snot and a giant headache so who knows? Maybe I’ll just have it for the rest of my life! Anyhoo, I realized that in the midst of my giant pity party, I had forgotten to update you, the Inquiring Minds, on my various and sundry SLEEP problems. And I know you were just DYING to know what’s going on.

On September 21, I had a sleep study done. This is where you go to a doctor’s office with bedrooms, change into your PJs, and let some strange dude hook you up to 27 wires. Many of these wires come out of your head, and he uses a yucky goo to attach them to your very hairy scalp. This takes about 45 awkward minutes, during which your stomach growls the whole time, and you feel so self-conscious about it that you feel the need to comment about it every time it happens.

After you are wired, said strange dude takes you into your bedroom and tucks you in. Thank God they let you take your Ambien CR first cause there is no way anyone could possibly sleep naturally with 27 wires attached to them.

You sleep some, and strange dude comes to re-connect wires twice during the night. You have a really bad dream at one point, and wake up with your heart racing. You bet the monitors attached to the wires are loving this!

At 5:30, Strange Dude comes back in the room to wake you for the day. “Good morning Jenny,” he says kindly. You find this rather odd, since, as you had no wild nights in college, this is the first time since you were a child that a man besides your husband has tucked you in and woken you up in the morning.

Strange Dude takes all the wires off. Your hair stands up matted with goo in many places. It reminds you of the movie There’s Something About Mary.

You drive home to find your husband is sick and you have to take your son to school. You jump in the shower as fast as you can to wash the nasty goo out of your hair. This would not go over well at the Christian school!

You go back to the doctor October 5th to find out if they actually LEARNED anything about your various and sundry sleep problems from the study. You can’t WAIT, because you’d really love to know what the heck is wrong with you!

As I have said many times before, stay tuned…

(and P.S. we are giving away SIX months of Kroger Deluxe ice cream on Reviewin’ It Up! Go enter here!)

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