Mommin' It Up!

November 9, 2009

The Great Donut Debacle of 2009

Friday morning I needed to go to Kroger to get a few things, and I decided on the way there, being the indulgent mother that I am, to go through the Tim Horton’s drive-thru to get Sophie a donut for a special treat. But then I thought, “Hmm, donuts are so messy. I always get her the glazed donut and the glaze flakes everywhere. Maybe this time I should get her the chocolate dip donut, because the icing is thicker and harder, and it won’t flake off like the glaze does.”

THIS my friends, is where that VERY FLAWED logic got me:

Please note my favorite part of this photo: Sophie’s hair matted with chocolate and stuck to her chin like a BEARD.

The nice people at Tim Horton’s gave me FRESH donuts. As in fresh, dripping with chocolate icing that had not yet had time to harden. And of course, having promised the Soph a donut, it’s not like I could withhold it!

So, the second place this flawed logic and my own dumbness got me, was the parking lot of Kroger with a child covered in chocolate icing and NO WIPES! Because really, I DO have to earn my “Mother of the Year” badge somehow!

I REALLY had to get some groceries for a little shindig I was having, so I could not turn around and go home to clean my child up. Out of desperation, I left Soph in the car, dashed in the entrance of Kroger, and grabbed about 40 kajillion of those clorox wipes they have out for you to clean your cart with.

That’s right! I scrubbed my toddler’s face and hands clean with CLOROX wipes!! Again, I should definitely be up for some fabulous award. She was NONE too pleased with the situation. And as the clorox wipes couldn’t break up the layers of hair matted with chocolate icing, I had to throw her in the bathtub and scrub it out when we got home.

But at least she didn’t look like a mini “Bearded Lady” going through Kroger!

*Sheesh*. The chocolate dip donut was a bad choice. Next time I’m gettin’ the TimBits!

November 6, 2009

You only get one face, unless you’re Joan Rivers

Fight the frump friday at Blissfully Domestic

It’s time for me to get on my soapbox here, friends. Or my facewashbox to be more accurate. My dear readers, and lady friends, I want you to take care of your FACE! Unless you are Joan Rivers or Tori Spelling, the face God gave you is the only one you’re gonna get. So you have to take care of your skin!! Besides, even if you could, why would you want to look like this??

joan_rivers_full 1

I mean, really? I am thinking she should’ve quite while she was ahead! Yee-ikes!

But anyhoo. No matter how fugly I get, you will never catch anyone operating on my face or injecting it with botulism (aka Botox). NOT HAPPENING. But I am doing everything I can to make sure it won’t be necessary, by taking care of my dang skin! I didn’t start until I was 30, but now I am full-on in the game. So here is my advice on how to take care of your skin so you still look like a very attractive you when you are 50!

1) CLEANSE – wash your face morning and night
2) EXFOLIATE – use a product that will slough off the dead skin a couple of times a week at least (I am addicted to Mary Kay’s microdermabrasion. It is like the BEST feeling ever! If you like liquid sandpaper to get all the dead stuff of your face, WHICH I DO!)
3) MOISTURIZE – day and night!
4) PROTECT – use a product with suncscreen to protect your skin from UV rays. Any damage you do today, you won’t see for 10 years. So in order to avoid waking up with some big-a** crows feet in 2019, start using a product with sunscreen!
5) STAY THE CRAP AWAY FROM THE TANNING BED! (this means you too, Uncle Paul!) Embrace your inner, or rather outer, whiteness, as I have, or just use a self-tanner. There are a bajillion good products out there. No need to give yourself skin cancer or wrinkles. It’s TRUE!!

Ok, so – ready, set, GO take care of your face!! And after you do that, go read how everyone else is fighting the frump at Blissfully Domestic at Fight the Frump Friday! Because, you know, I wrote that post too. 🙂

November 5, 2009

Wide Awake

The past three nights I have slept very lightly, which used to be the norm, but since I’ve been drugging myself, is a rarity. I’m not sure why this is occurring, but I’d like to go back to my drug-induced coma thankyouverymuch. This morning about 4 a.m. when Joshua crawled into our bed, I was unable to go back to sleep. Usually I barely even notice when he does this thanks to good old Ambien CR, but for some reason it’s taken a break from leaving me blissfully drooling away while my kindergartener steps on my head. NOT COOL, Ambien CR, NOT COOL.

I lay in bed for awhile observing things I have forgotten during my brief respite from being constantly awake in the middle of the night. For instance, we have a security light in our backyard that is triggered by movement. So if Joe Burglar decides to come in the back door, he is going to get a really bright light in his FACE and hopefully run away scared. Since our bedroom faces the back of the house, I would often see the light come on at night. I’d forgotten that. I saw it come on several times this morning, on and off, on and off, each flip of the bulb taking me by surprise. This is not because Joe Burglar was prowling around, but because we got critters, y’all. City critters. Our yard is home to many squirrels during the day, and sometimes a cute bunny rabbit or two, but at night hosts some skeerry creatures such as hardened city possum and street raccoons. I am pretty sure they have gang wars over our trash can. Said creatures’ attempt to get to our trash dumpster all night long (there’s nothing good in there, I swear!) leads to the fantastic light show I once again got to witness this morning.

Side note: the trash dudes broke the handle on our trash dumpster. As we now have a new mayor since the elections on Tuesday, I think his first order of biz-niss should be gettin’ me a new dumpster. That’s right, Gary Leitzell, I am talkin’ to you. I voted for change! Now change my dumpsta! Ok, I’ll be honest. I voted for you because you were not your challenger, and so far as I have seen, you don’t wear weird hats or assymetrical glasses like she does. But please can I have a new trash can anyways?

And some SLEEP? Can I have some sleep please? Because this train wreck of a post is what happens when I get none!