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Having My Cake

For the past few months I’ve been sharing on and off with you about my struggles with depression and anxiety. And I am happy to say, after months of tweaking meds and what-not, I am a lot better. I’m not totally the carefree girl that I was, I still have issues at certain times of the month, but I am much, much better, and I’ll take it.

One thing that still bugs me about myself – is it my “new normal” self, or did I used to be this way too? I can’t remember – is that I get so exasperated by the little things in life. Bad traffic makes my heart race and my temper flare. It’s all I can do to control myself with the kids in the car, to keep from yelling in frustration. When I am in the shower, and I hear the kids fussing and fighting, my head wants to explode. When Sophie defies me, I take it personally. When Joshua asks me questionafterquestionafterquestion, or asks me to do something when I am clearly already busy, it makes me insane.

But the other day, as I was looking in the bathroom mirror, putting product in my wet hair to try and encourage it’s lazy waves, and Sophie started screaming and fussing in from the other room, mad at her brother about something, and that exasperated vein in my forehead started to throb, I just took a deep breath and realized: I need to put on the big girl panties of motherhood. I have little children. This is what they do. Sure, they are often sweet and funny and they make my heart burst with pride, but they are also messy, tempestuous, and selfish. And every day with them will be exhausting but it will also be beautiful.

So.

I am all for being real. I am all for letting my feelings out – why pretend that something is perfect when it’s not? That would only serve to make me crazier. My kids make me crazy. Several times a day. But they also make me deliriously happy. And if having my cake and eating it too smacks of discontentment with my life, then I’ll just have it. Put it in front of me and I’ll stare at it maybe sniff the icing and take in its sugary scent, but I won’t have a bite. In fact, I’ll take mine without a fork. Just in case.

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Top Ten Tuesday – Top Ten Ways I’m Afraid Jenny Will Embarrass Me at BlogHer

Today it’s my turn for a pre-travel freak out… but mine is nothing like Jenny’s – it’s not about a to-do list or panicking because I can’t keep my weekend schedule straight.

That’s because I’m already packed and have my schedule memorized, my house is perfectly clean, everything’s set for the four different people who will be taking shifts caring for my kids, and I’m completely ready to go.

(Oh wait, absolutely none of that is true.)

But no, my pre-travel freak-out has more to do with something I cannot control… and that is Jenny’s behavior.

So, without further ado…

The Top Ten Ways I’m Afraid Jenny Will Embarrass Me at BlogHer!

10. She’ll bowl. You may not know this about Jenny, but she’s not the most, um, athletically gifted among us.

9. She’ll blow our cover. We are a big deal! We have astounding traffic and make the big bucks. Seriously, people, believe me!

8. She’ll talk about poop. She has the tendency to do this, as you well know.

7. She’ll get tipsy after 1/8th of a drink. Actually, I’m ok with that as long as I get the remaining 7/8th!

6. She’ll call me crying, not sure where she’s supposed to be or how to get there. I’ve tried to alleviate this possibility by making a very detailed Excel spreadsheet listed each day in half hour increments and complete with hyperlinks to Google Maps, but I still think this is an entirely likely scenario.

5. She’ll call me crying when she gets stuck in an elevator. We’ve been there, done that, people, and I’m not sure whether she, I or the entire blogosphere can go through that again.

4. She’ll show up to every session and party sweaty and smelly because she insists on taking the stairs (see above). Again, we’ve been there, done that… not pretty. Remember the Yanni Voices concert? She wouldn’t get in the elevator then either, and made poor pregnant Erin and Erin’s unsuspecting husband hoof it with her.

3. She’ll get tipsy (see item 7) and tell all my secrets. Again, a very real possibility.

2. She’ll dance. I have a very strict no-dancing policy, and I hold her to that standard as well. Believe me, you do not want to see either of us dance.

and finally my number one way I’m afraid Jenny will embarrass me at BlogHer…

1. She’ll make me hug people. Hugs, as defined, by Jenny are the BEST. Hugs, as defined by Emily, are an incredibly awkward social custom. So if you see us there and she tries to smother you with kisses and I stand back and say “Hello, nice to meet you,” know that it’s not you, it’s me.

(I love you, Cousin! I’m just kidding about all of this. Sort of.)

For more Top Ten Tuesday, head over to Oh Amanda!

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The Pre-Travel Freak-Out Begins

So, in case you haven’t heard, Emily and I are leaving bright and early Thursday morning for BlogHer. And we are soooo excited! (wanna see some of the fabulous clothes we are wearing thanks to Lands’ End? Check out my Blissful Style post here!) But as always, I have 50 million things to do before we leave that I am STRESSING about. So, I thought I’d share them with you in an attempt to make myself feel better, and maybe my brain feel a bit more organized:

1) Do my laundry
2) Press my beautiful yellow dress
3) Buy some heels to wear with my beautiful yellow dress (done! score!)
4) Pay bills
5) Buy stamps with which to mail bills
6) Do my kids’ laundry so my BFF Luanne who is babysitting will have clothes to dress them in!
7) Go to the grocery so Luanne will also have FOOD to feed them
8 ) clean out my car so Luanne won’t have to drive around a rolling trash bin
9) Pack!
10) Finish writing this week’s posts for Blissful Style
11) Clean the house so Luanne won’t have to watch my kids in squalor
12) Work on my speadsheet (which I got from Emily, Queen of all Spreadsheets) so I’ll know WHERE I am supposed to be WHEN at BlogHer. Because my brain is incapable of keeping track.
13) Charge my camera batteries
14) Order business cards for Emily & myself

Ok, well…that’s all I can think of now…but I’ll add more as I think of them and cross things off as I finish. Ready, set GO!

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