A 10-Month-Long April Fools Day Joke

April 1, 2009 was a very exciting day for me. In the middle of the afternoon, I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when suddenly I got an email from Maria Bailey inviting me to the Magical Moms Mixer at Walt Disney World. Needless to say, I about fell out of my chair from excitement.

Later that day, my husband called to tell me our friend Leah heard my name on a local radio station, and that I had won a contest and got to have lunch with Nick Lachey. I immediately called Leah to verify that she and Andy weren’t trying to play some kind of sick April Fools Day joke on me – they knew my BFF Jess and I had been entering the contest on a daily basis, and I was not about to believe them without proof. But sure enough, when I got home there was a message from a local radio personality telling me that I had in fact won the contest. Again, I about fell out of my chair from excitement. I was going to have lunch with Nick Lachey, and I could bring a friend! Awesome!!

This was the luckiest day of my life! News of an incredible trip to Disney and lunch with a super hot famous celebrity all in one day?? Amazing!

But can you guess what the difference was between those two things? I actually went to Disney. Lunch? Not so much.

A few days before the lunch was scheduled, I got another call from the radio station – this time saying that Nick had a “conflict” and the lunch would have to be postponed. Postponed. That is the key word here. Jess and I were so disappointed, but we were hopeful that they’d reschedule and we’d still get to have our lunch. So we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Every couple of months I’d get word from the station that they were trying to work something out with Nick and his people, and we held out hope. Surely it would happen – Nick is from our area and he’s here often doing very important things like dress up like an elf on Cincinnati Bell commercials – we were confident he’d make time for us. He even sent me a lovely autographed picture to apologize for the delay.

However, yesterday, nearly a year after the big news, I got an email saying this:
Despite his numerous recent local appearances around the area for charities or sponsors, he never made it here to make up our event. Every time he came into town, we reached out to his people to work it out. Up until about two weeks ago, we were still being told to remain hopeful. Two weeks ago, we were informed that he was dropped from his record label and at that point, we knew this opportunity has passed.

I then had the unfortunate job of passing the word on to Jess. I forwarded the message with the subject “Sad news – prepare yourself.”

I feel it’s appropriate to express my disappointment to Nick, so I’m thinking of sending him this letter.

Dear Nick,

My BFF Jess and I have been loyal fans of yours for a long time. We watched “Newlyweds” religiously. Jess even has the complete set of DVDs. I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving day when I received a voicemail from her that said, “Em, I had to call you because I wanted you to hear this from me. Nick and Jessica are officially breaking up.” It was a sad day.

When we thought we were going to have lunch with you, we were thrilled. We were sure we’d totally hit it off with you and we’d be BFF – or at least Facebook friends – with you, too. Because, you know, we have a lot in common with you. You’re from Ohio. We’re from Ohio. You attended Miami University. We graduated from Miami University. (But we’ve never been members of a flash-in-the-pan boy band, though, so don’t feel bad.) It was going to be a great day!

But by putting us off for 10 months and finally telling us where to go, you ruined it, and you ruined our opinion of you while you were at it.

So, Nick, next time you’re sitting next to Pete Rose signing autographs at the Cincinnati Boat and RV show, Jess and I aren’t coming.

So there.

Love,
Emily

nick lachey

*******
Edited: November 21, 2012. Oh hi! If you’ve stumbled upon this post for some reason, make sure to go read THIS post for an update – as it turns out, we did have a chance to meet Nick, and he was spectacularly nice. I totally take back all the not-so-nice things I said about him in this post, but I’m leaving it up here because it’s a good back story for our eventual meeting. And, let’s face it, it’s funny.

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Stacy and Clinton – the Next Generation

teaming up

Last week my pal Cortney and I and our kiddos (minus poor Joshua who gets left out of most playdates ’cause he’s at school) met at the mall to give the stir-crazy kiddos some time at the play place. Then, we hit Chick-Fil-A, and Cortney wanted to stop in Gap Kids. (Because she is a *tad* obsessed. It is rumored that her three-year-old wears only Gap underwear. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…)

Anyhoo, while Cortney and her 18-month-old (trapped in the stroller) shopped, I chased our three-year-olds around the store. But pretty soon it turned from chasing into cracking up and taking pictures (sadly my point-and-shoot wasn’t performing too well. But you’ll get the idea.) Sophie and Evan were soon engrossed in examining all the fashions that Gap had to offer. Sophie was picking up shirts and pants and saying about each one. “Is it pretty? Ooh that’s pretty, mama!” Evan was was thoughtfully choosing which color of basketball shorts he liked best. He knows a boy’s gotta look his best when shooting hoops!

Inspector E

perusing the b-ball shorts

Don’t sweat it E, you know your mama’s gonna buy you one in every color!

Sophie, meanwhile, was checking out the girls’ sweatpants. ‘Cause she knows a girl’s gotta look cute when she lounges!

sweatpant selection

And then she moved on to every girl’s love…the shoes!

Plastic Shoes are a MUST this season!

Finally, the two joined forces and started comparing notes. I saw them transform before my eyes into the preschool version of Stacy London and Clinton Kelly from TLC’s What Not to Wear. (which their mamas coincidentally both *love*.)

this top is faaaabulous!

I mean, they weren’t exactly discussing fit and body types yet, but I am pretty sure I heard the words “fabulous” and “drape”.

Pretty sure.

Soon toddler fashion became passe to these two haute couture cuties, and they moved next door to the adult Gap clothes. Sophie was all, “Evan! You MUST see this dark-wash denim!”

DSC01986

Evan immediately spotted some jeans he thought his mama would look good in.

finding the perfect pair

While Sophie told her captive audience about why a great pair of dressy jeans is an essential piece of every wardrobe.

DSC01990

All they need is a mini-Ted and a mini-Carmindy, and they are ready to go! “What Not to Wear to Preschool” would be a GREAT addition to TLC’s lineup – it could come on right after “Toddlers and Tiaras”.

So watch out, Stacy and Clinton! You’ve got some cute competition!

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Olympic Musings

Each evening since Friday, my family and I have put on our jammies and headed downstairs to watch the Olympics. The time we’ve spent cuddling on the couch together… all four of us, me sans the computer (I know, my family can’t believe it either)… combined with my general love of the Olympics… it has been, in a word, perfect.

However, I have a few comments regarding the Olympic games. Isn’t there a comedian whose thing is “What’s the deal with that?” (Ok I just asked my husband that question and got a monologue about what a genius Jerry Seinfeld is.) In any case, back to my Olympic observations – to quote Jerry Seinfeld … “What’s the deal with that?”

First of all, what is the deal with all the figure skaters being married and/or otherwise attached to their skating partners? When we were watching the short program the other day, it seemed like they described every team as “a couple on and off the ice.” For example…
shen xue
The gold medal winners, China’s Zhao Hongbo and Shen Xue – married. And tell me this isn’t the cutest picture ever.

The whole time I was watching the competition I was wondering how it is that all these couples find each other. I mean, do they pair up first? One day is the guy like “What do you want to do this weekend?” and the girl’s like “I don’t know. How about we become professional figure skaters?” Or is it more like “Since I spend three hours a day with my hand in your crotch anyway, let’s get hitched!”? I don’t know.

Also, what is the deal with the X-games champs who are competing in the two billion-year-old tradition of the Olympics and still can’t bear to leave their freaking iPods at home? Seriously, are we boring you? You can’t make it down the mountain at 80 miles per hour without some kind of entertainment? They’re probably texting and checking Facebook as well.

Finally, for the love of God, what is the deal with all the commercials?? Andy and I are trying to instill a love of the Olympics in our children, and for the 15 seconds per half an hour that NBC is actually showing athletes competing, our kids are all about it. For the other 29 minutes and 45 seconds, where it’s one part stories of heroic triumph over adversity and three parts McDonald’s commercials, you’ve lost them.

And really, while we’re on the subject, if I see the one with the hockey coach telling his team “You played like Olympians, now let’s eat like Olympians!” one more time, I might throw a shoe through the television. I am pretty sure an Egg McMuffin isn’t the breakfast of champions.

What is the deal with that?

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