Total Sleep Solution my ass.

So I have avoided writing this post for months, because at Mom 2.0 I learned that engaging in social media brand warfare isn’t the way to go.

However, it’s 3:29 am and I can’t effing sleep and I have HAD ENOUGH. My filter is gone.

A couple years ago, Andy and I bought a Sleep Number bed. For a while, it was incredibly comfortable. But 6 months or so ago, something went wrong with it and it is now horribly uncomfortable. Hence me being awake at 3:29 am.

I have TRIED EVERYTHING to get some help with this. I’ve called. I’ve emailed. I’ve tweeted. I’ve reached out to their PR people asking for some assistance so I wouldn’t have to write this post. When I get someone to actually respond – which is NOT what happens at least half the time – here’s how our conversation goes.

Me: Something is wrong with our bed.
Them: What’s the problem?
Me: I don’t know, but it’s not comfortable.
Them: What’s wrong with it?
Me: I don’t KNOW. It inflates without us telling it to. Or something. I don’t know. But it is JACKED UP.
Them: Well what’s wrong with it?
And then my head EXPLODES.

The “trouble shooting” we’ve been instructed to go though involves looking at the top of mattress and seeing if anything looks wrong. Nope? Well then look at the bottom of the mattress and see if anything looks wrong. NOTHING IS STICKING OUT OF THE BOTTOM OF THE #$@$ING BED BUT I CAN’T #$@$ING SLEEP BECAUSE IT IS SO @#$%ING UNCOMFORTABLE.

As you can tell, I am about at the end of my rope with this. I am incredibly disappointed that we have a bed that we splurged and paid an exorbitant amount of money for and was supposed to last 20 @#$#ing YEARS and now we’d rather sleep on the flipping couch.

I am also incredibly disappointed that I’m getting such horrible customer service from a company that was out in the social media space before pretty much anyone – a company I use as an example when I’m talking about brands that do twitter right. Or, at least, I used to use as an example.

Writing this post is probably the insomniac’s version of drunk tweeting and I may feel bad about putting this out there in the morning, but I’m at the end of my rope here.

I just want my comfortable bed back.

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What’s your go-to Thanksgiving recipe?

This year, in an unprecedented event, we’re having Thanksgiving at our house. (and also at my grandma’s, and also at my mother-in-law’s, but really, what’s a holiday without spending half the day in a car?) I’ve never prepared a big holiday meal like this, and I’m kind of nervous about it. I’m mostly nervous because I am envisioning it in my mind the way Thanksgiving looks on Pinterest, and it’s not going to live up to that. Obviously. I should REALLY keep in mind that the people I’m feeding have subsisted on take-out dinners from Bob Evans for each Thanksgiving in recent memory.

But still. I want to make it good.

I’ve been compiling a list of ideas on Pinterest, although now that I look at it, my Thanksgiving board contains exactly two recipes and a whole bunch of ideas for centerpieces. So it looks like we’ll be eating only creamed onions and low-calorie pumpkin pie, but at least the table will be pretty.

I’m planning to cook a turkey (which I’ve never done before so that should be interesting), of course (because the time I ordered ham from Bob Evans, Kate had a heart attack that we weren’t having turkey on Thanksgiving and the closest I could come at the time was buying cold cuts and sticking them in the microwave. She was not amused), and the amazing sweet potato dish from Pioneer Woman that I made last year, along with her mashed potatoes, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

So tell me, friends, what’s your favorite thing to cook (or eat) on Thanksgiving?

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All I want for Christmas…

Is dog crap.

At least, that’s what Sam’s decided he wants. Not real dog crap – there’s plenty of that in the back yard that I haven’t noticed anyone clamoring for – but fun dog crap.

Doggie Doo, to be more exact.

To play, feed your Doggie and take him for a walk. When you squeeze his leash, he makes a gassy sound that gets louder and louder until…plop. The first to clean up after the dog three times wins!

Are you *&#$ing kidding me????

Silly, funny sounds add to the fun!
Kids will laugh and love the hilarious sounds the doggie makes as the food gets digested! Air pressure from the bone in the doggie’s mouth moves the yellow slime down the body of the dog and creates gassy sounds that will have everyone laughing out loud.

Everyone will be laughing out loud except me, who will be running to the bathroom to throw up. Who comes up with this crap??? (heh. crap.)

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