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Jenny’s Life Klass: What NOT to buy your kid for Christmas

Oh hello there! Welcome to the next installment of Jenny’s Life Klass. It’s been way too long since I’ve written one of these instructional gems, and I imagine your lives are all going to hell in a handbasket because of it. I’m SO sorry! Let me help you get back on track just in time for the holidays with this can’t-miss list of things to NOT buy your kid for Christmas. I repeat, DO NOT BUY THIS CRAP.  Even if little Honest’I and Hashtag (dudes, someone named their kid HASHTAG this week!) are dyyyiinnng to have it! This is not advertorial! Maybe there’s no such thing as bad press, but I’m tryyyying here. This stuff sucks. So, let’s get started!

1) LOL Elmo – I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel about the over-use of the phrase “LOL”. Well here’s a prime example. My own kids love and have loved Elmo, but I’d never buy them one that looks (and probably sounds) like he’s having a constant seizure. OR TELLS JOKES. This thing tells jokes! Who wants to hear Elmo tell the same three jokes overandoverandoverandover again? Let me think about it….NO ONE! Have mercy, people. Don’t. Buy. It.

2) Bratz Bratzillaz dolls – Great  news, parents! Now there’s a doll that teaches your kid that being slutty is cool, and witchcraft is cooler! It’s like the worst Halloween costume, ever – IN A DOLL!  Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! But don’t take my word for it! The official product description says, “Glam gets wicked with Bratzillaz. These Bratz are the only fashion dolls that help girls achieve their dreams with special witch powers, wicked glam fashions and adorable mischievous pets.”

Really? If you want your darling daughter to become Sabrina the Teenage Whoretch, buy ’em all!

3) Furby – Or as I like to call it, WTFurby?? I am going to have NIGHTMARES just from looking at this picture! For the record, parents, you should never, ever, EVER buy anything for your child that comes with these instructions: “Pet ____’s head, tickle its tummy or pull its tail and see what happens” !!?? Um, uh…the possible scenarios are giving me an anxiety attack. Don’t let the Furby EAT YOUR BABY!

4) One Direction What Makes You Beautiful Doll – Umm, isn’t the name of this doll ironic? OHMAHGAH!!! Please don’t make me explain why you should not buy this creepy, scary, creepariffic, frightening, scary McGary, icky, robot-like boy band doll for your child. Please. Just know that every time one of these dolls is sold, an African village is  burned to the ground. All right, that is probably not true, BUT…bad things will happen if you welcome this thing into your home. EEEEEEEK!

 

5) Power Wheels Escalade – I’m not gonna lie to you, people. If you buy your 3-year-old a $500 Cadillac SUV for a “toy”, you will go straight to hell. 

Allright my friends, that’s the list! Don’t worry, if you’ve screwed up and purchased any of these stinkbombs, there’s still plenty of time to return them! As a matter of fact, your homework is to return them if you’ve already bought one. And if you haven’t committed such an act of treachery, your homework is to go buy something that doesn’t suck and isn’t a colossal waste of money. Do that and you will earn an A+++! Give to a charity in your child’s name instead of buying a WTFurby?!? and you will get extra credit!

Happy shopping!

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Fisher-Price Moments of Joy $100 Giveaway

I love Fisher-Price, don’t you? I can’t even count the number of Fisher-Price toys and gear my kids have had over the years! My favorite are the Little People! As a matter of fact, we keep our Little People Nativity Set up all year long (we love Jesus 365 days a year in this house). I’ve also bought Jonah two of the Little People Wheelies sets for his birthday and Christmas (shh don’t tell!!) and I can’t wait to give them to him! So when Fisher-Price asked me to tell you about something new they got goin’ on AND give away a $100 AMEX card,  I didn’t have to think twice!

Fisher-Price has just debuted a new photo and video sharing site called Fisher-Price Moments of Joy. It’s a place for parents to upload the sweetest, most candid moments they share with their kids, and it’s super-easy to do. Here are some of the moments I uploaded:

The Moments of Joy site couldn’t be any easier to use, or more fun. It’s a great way to keep track of your joyous memories, and store, caption, and describe them for posterity.  Plus, if you upload, you are automatically entered to win the “Fisher-Price Moments of Joy Sweepstakes” – five winners will win $100 gift cards weekly and one lucky uploader will win up to $1,000 of Fisher-Price toys! WOW! All you have to do is upload one moment to be entered! And there will be one winner a week through December 20th!

And of course, you can also enter to win $100 here as well!! Here’s how you enter to win $100 from Fisher-Price Moments of Joy and Mommin’ It Up:

1) Leave a comment on this blog telling me your favorite Fisher-Price toy.

2) Upload a photo or video to Fisher-Price Moments of Joy and leave a separate comment here with a link to your moment.

3) Like Fisher-Price Moments of Joy on Facebook.

One winner will be chosen at random on Tuesday, December 4th at 6pm EST. Good luck and happy uploading!

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Fisher-Price Moments of Joy has compensated me for my review of their site. All opinions about it are my own.

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Lands’ End Outerwear = best ever!

This year, for the first time in several years, my big kids needed new winter coats.  They had both worn their previous Lands’ End coats for two years and it was time. So of course I was thrilled when Lands’ End asked if we’d like to do an outerwear review this year! This time, I got my kids something I’d never tried  before – the Lands’ End 3-in-1 Squall Parka (girls here, boys here).

Aren’t they adorbs? But that’s beside the point! The point is, these coats are the flippin’ bee’s knees! They have an extra zip-out fleece liner that can be worn alone as a jacket on warmer days. They have grow-along adjustable sleeves, a waterproof and windproof exterior that keeps kiddos warm and dry and it’s temperature rated from -15 to 25 degrees Fahrenheit! These coats are perfect for playing in the snow (especially when paired with the matching snow bibs, which I am really hoping my kids can use this year!) or waiting outside at the bus stop. And the Lands’ End quality will last and last. I expect Joshua and Sophie to be wearing these for another two years!

Next, I got to try out a coat for myself, woohoo!

I chose the Women’s Modern Down Jacket, and it is just gorgeous! (And seriously? Shouldn’t I be a coat model? I mean the coat covers up my body completely It’s great! Call me, Lands’ End!)  Not to mention soooo warm. When I tried it on inside my house, I was instantly HOT. This thing packs the heat. It is going to be great this winter, which I know is going to be brutal because last winter was mild.  It’s temperature rated from -15 to 10 degrees Fahrenheit! I love the finish on the fabric – it’s a matte fabric that is water-resistant. The hood is also adjustable AND removable as is the faux fur trim, so this coat is really customizable. I love the belt, too, it adds a nice bit of flair. I couldn’t be happier with this chic, cozy coat!

Oh hi, this is Emily now!
Like Jenny, I was thrilled to check out a Lands’ End coat for myself – unlike Jenny, however, I am not a huge fan of pictures of myself and I was totally going to take a picture of my gorgeous coat on a hanger and leave myself out of it all together… but the cut on this coat is amazing and it needed to be shown!

This is the Luxe Wool Pea Coat – isn’t it pretty? I have been lusting after the entire Luxe Wool collection since the first fall catalog came out, and if anything, I like the coat in person even better than I had expected.

Here’s the description from the website:
Woven in Italy, the fabric contains a luscious blend of rich wool and sumptuous cashmere for a refined appearance and wonderfully soft touch. The silhouette is a traditional double-breasted style with princess seams to flatter your figure. The tailoring is beautifully finished with careful attention to every detail, from the decorative pickstitching to the French envelope closure on the inside chest pocket. Among Pea Coats for women, we’ve found none finer!

Like I said, I really love the fit and the tailoring, and I also love the length – it hits me right below the hips, which will help a lot in keeping warm!

Lands’ End will also be keeping my kids warm this winter as well. Like Joshua and Sophie, Kate and Sam will be rockin’ the 3-in-1 Squall Parkas this winter – we found them on a year-end sale last spring and couldn’t pass them up! Lands’ End sent them some hats and gloves to match, so they’re all set.

Here’s Sam in his Squall gloves.

The Squall gloves have a waterproof nylon shell and PolarThin insulation to keep hands dry and warm. They’re nice and long, which will prevent the awful snow-between-gloves-and-coat-sleeves syndrome. Also, they’ve got adjustable SnowGuard cuffs to make sure they fit snugly. Lands’ End makes Squall gloves for the entire family – sounds like a nice addition to Christmas stockings to me!

Finally – there’s nothing more important for staying warm than a hat! Here’s Kate in her Northwest Passage Peruvian Hat.

This cute hat combines a vintage look with Lands’ End function and style. Its fleece lining and (freaking adorable) ear flaps add extra warmth. Love it!

Speaking of Lands’ End, we hope you’ll join us TONIGHT from 6-7 PM EST on twitter for the #LE12HRS Twitter party! It’s 12 hours of twitter all day long from 9-9, but we’ll be hosting and talking about holiday gifts from 6-7 PM. So join us for our usual brand of hilarious dialogue enhanced with awesome Lands’ End PRIZES and info about their great gift selections. See you then!

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Lands’ End provided us with outerwear items to facilitate our review. All opinions are our own.

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