Author: Jenny

A couple of weeks ago when we were on our way to Fort Rapids to meet Emily’s family, we made a stop at Rite Aid because I needed a specific item for our trip – Krazy Glue.  Because everyone needs a little Krazy Glue on a family trip to a water park, right?  Just glue the kids’ hands to yours and they won’t get lost!  Umm…ok, maybe not.

The real reason I bought the Krazy Glue is because thanks to the Infected Hangnail of Death, my thumbnail was partially coming off.  But *most* of it was still attached and my doctor was hoping that was coming off would reattach itself to the newly-growing nail bed.

In short, I had some jacked up stuff going on and had my thumbnail taped down/covered with a band-aid at all times.  But I was pretty sure a waterpark wasn’t going to be the most band-aid-adhesive friendly place, and I didn’t want my thumbnail flapping all over the place…so…Krazy Glue.

Anycrap, when we got there I told Emily about the Krazy Glue and complained about how weird stuff always happens to me and as usual she mocked me.  I mean, I am not the most graceful girl around.  Before I got my van, I was constantly hitting my head in the doorway of my car when buckling the kids in their car seats.  I bump into door frames a lot.  After having my babies, my arches fell, my thumb and arm got messed up, I had nerve damage in my feet, knees, and hands – the past few months I’ve been like a freaking jalopy.  I’ve been known to describe myself as “Functionally retarded” (which I recently found out was a real thing – so, no disrespect to the disabled, I’m just making fun of myself here!)

After our day of water park fun, Emily and I and The SuperHusbands were sitting around playing a board game.  It was brand new and I was opening the different parts of it, including a plastic bag of little pencils.  I had  little trouble opening said bag, and the brute force I had to use resulted in me STABBING myself in the finger with one of the pencils (bonus points for all pencils STILL being in the plastic when said stabbing occurred!) and embedding a little lead in one finger.

Great, now I am going to die of lead poisoning.

As you can imagine, copious making-fun-of-Jenny soon followed.  I believe I made some remark about how Bobby should trade me in for a more functional model, which he followed up by shaking his head and saying, “Aww, honey, you’re like that cute scruffy dog from the pound that gets adopted because it’s kinda messed up and people feel sorry for it.”

To which Emily chimed in, “Yeah, you’re like the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree!”

So there ya have it.

Shaggy mutt or anorexic evergreen, which is better?  Discuss!

And can I have my own Christmas special?