This is a picture of my and Emily’s great-grandparents, Florida and Ambrose Burns, with their five children. In the back row on the left is their son Milton, whom I barely remember, and on the far right is my and Emily’s grandfather Laton, (who I’ve written about here and here) who died in 1970, years before we were born. In the front row are our Reva, Polly, and Roy, the three siblings I remember well. My grandfather’s sisters, Reva and Polly, I have especially fond memories of.
Uncle Roy died three or four years ago. Aunt Polly died when I was a freshman in high school, after an awful battle with ALS. And Aunt Reva passed away this weekend, on Saturday after a short battle with cancer, at age 77.
So a generation has passed. My grandfather’s siblings are gone. But not forgotten.
“Extended family” is something of an anomaly these days. Something I remember and respect about my Aunt Polly is that extended family was very important to her. Her brother Laton had passed many years ago, but she often had his children and grandchildren over to her house on Sundays and holidays. She wanted to make sure his grandchildren knew her grandchildren. She would come over to my grandma’s for Sunday lunch often, too. Aunt Polly, like my grandmother, was widowed very young. Unlike my grandmother, she was sociable and outgoing. She got my grandma out, they took trips together, and they were great friends. Aunt Reva was a great friend to my grandmother as well. They were more than sisters-in-law. They were friends, and they took care to make sure my grandma didn’t sit at home by herself all the time, as was her inclination.
Another thing I really appreciated about Aunt Polly is that she always told us she loved us. It became a joke as we got older, to do an imitation of her saying “Aunt Polly loves you!” in the cheerful, sugary tone of voice she’d use with us. It may have made me giggle as I got older, but looking back, I am so thankful for that. That is something many children long to hear from any adult, and Aunt Polly always made sure we knew she loved us and that we were special to her.
When she fought ALS, she fought it with valor. She came to every family event she could, even when she couldn’t talk, had to hold onto another person for balance, and had to wear a mask to cover her uncontrollable facial muscles. It was more important to her to be with us than it was for her “keep up appearances” – so by not being afraid to lose her dignity she has cemented herself in my mind as one of the most dignified people I will ever know.
My Aunt Reva was the youngest of the bunch. She was beautiful. I always remember her as a blonde, even though her hair is quite dark in the picture above. She had a great smile, as you can see, and was always very warm. What I remember most about her is her hospitality. It was also important for her to keep our extended family together so she and my Uncle Jim hosted family reunions at their home every year when I was growing up. They lived about four hours away and we’d take the drive down to the Lake Cumberland area where they had a big house, with an attached pool house with an indoor pool. To us kids, it was like heaven on earth!! Aunt Reva was always the most gracious hostess, she and Uncle Jim housing and feeding and extra twenty or so people for an entire weekend. Every association I have of them is fun, fun, fun. Good food, swimming, relaxing, family, warmth, fun. I have especially good memories of being with Emily and her sister Anna there. Those are some wonderful memories, and I am thankful to my Aunt Reva for facilitating their making.
It makes me feel sad, but not just sad, that they are all gone now. Reflective, I guess, about things I’ve never reflected on before. Emily and I are close, and we’ve done a good job so far of making sure our children know each other. Anna will have a child soon to add to our cousin-brood. My brothers have children and my kids looove their cousins. I am thankful for the example that was set for us about how important our extended family is, and I hope we will continue to be intentional about being a family who truly spends, loves, and values our time together as life gets busier and more complicated. Because it will slow back down again, and I don’t want any of us to be alone when that happens. When my brothers and I are gone, when Emily and Anna are gone, I want my children to have not just each other and their children but their cousins and their cousins’ children to live life with, to be friends with as well as family. That’s what we’ve been given and what I hope we can give them.
