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Insult to Injury

I don’t know how much of this will even make sense, ’cause y’all, I am so tired. Which is pretty much my standard complaint, ’cause after all, I can’t sleep, despite the sleep aid I am hopelessly addicted to. But this morning I am doubly tired, because for two days in a row, in the early morning, I’ve had nightmares.

Or Morningmares. Whatever you want to call them! Bad dreams. Dreams like you kids come to your bed in the middle of the night crying their eyes out over. Yesterday morning I woke myself up thrashing around twice -in my dream I was trying to run away and couldn’t run. (I had the same dream twice, woke myself up thrashing both times.) Then, just a couple of hours ago, after Bobby and Joshua had already left for work and school, I had another real winner, and was screaming in the dream, and I woke up covered in sweat, thinking I had heard my mother yelling my name. I even jumped up and threw open my bedroom door, thinking she was just outside (she wasn’t – but she does have a house key! It could’ve happened!)

So anyways. I’m tired! And apparently my subconscious is feeling a little tortured these mornings.

Who’s got a cure for what ails me?

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Scratch That

Potty training is hell!

We tried to do Potty Boot Camp with Sophie this weekend, and it was miserable. It exhausted her as well as Bobby and me. At the end of the day, when I was holding her on the potty while running her bath which she needed because she had peed all over herself like 897 times and she was screaming both for a diaper and asking to be put “straight to bed” instead of having to sit on the potty, I finally thought, “Gee, maybe Sophie’s not ready.”

Here’s what I learned from Potty Boot Camp:

1) Sophie would prefer to use our office chair as a toilet, rather than an actual toilet.
2) Sophie will hold her pee until you leave the room to make her lunch or get her a clean shirt or ironically, check to see that her brother wiped himself correctly after taking a poop.
3) Sophie does not care whether she wears training pants, big girl undies, or a diaper, so long as she can pee in them and not on the toilet.
4) Sophie will not answer questions that contain the word “potty”, “pee-pee”, “poop”, “wet”, or “dry”.
5) Sophie will take a four-hour nap if it means she can get a break from potty training.
6) I would rather give a raccoon a pedicure than potty train my kid.

It was that fun!

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Not a Chance

Tuesday night Andrea, Emily, Cortney, Katie, another Andrea, Tricia, Marianne and some very other cool local bloggers were at Books & Co. for the book signing of our super-cool famous friend Erin Chase and as Erin was greeting all her enthusiastic fans, we sat around and chatted. The topic quickly turned to how fabulous Emily looks after having reached her weight-loss goal with Weight Watchers. Then it turned to what everyone was trying to do to get in shape. Cortney’s working out, Andrea is a runner, Marianne’s a runner…and I…am not. My contribution to the conversation was:

“I’m so out of shape. But, it’s kinda my thing!”

Oh, ha ha ha, Jenny’s so funny…but it’s TRUE! I literally break out in hives when people start talking about running 5ks and half-marathons and crazy crap like that. Eeek!

Then last night on twitter I started seeing stuff like this:

tweetshannan_edited-1

*breaks out in cold sweat*

Eventually it was tweeted as a suggestion that I join this effort, to which I replied, that such would happen when HELL FREEZES OVER.

Then my “friends” thought they would be funny! Andrea tweeted this and it was re-tweeted many times:

tweetandrea

Oh, so, funny, really I am dying laughing. {sarcasm sign}. You girls may know the way to my heart, but you do NOT know the way off my a$$.

Besides, as I think I have proven many times, I can get my own bags of Mary Kay, Lands’ End clothes, and cute boots!

But you know, have a great time doing that 5K! I’ll be cheering you on from the comfort of my cozy Lands’ End sweaters and Sorel boots!

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