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Digest THIS. Or diagnose it for me.

Today after school, I am taking Joshua to the doctor for a mysterious stomach ailment.  It has his stomach in knots and my blood pressure DANGEROUSLY HIGH.   High blood pressure with a side of RAGE.

What’s happening is, Joshua is at least once a day, feeling “sick” DURING a meal.  So he eats some, feels sick, wants to go lay down or try to puke, never does puke, and usually within 10 minutes or so can finish at least some of the meal.

The foods involved are totally random.  The times of day are totally random.  I don’t think he’s faking it, but we’ve been battling this off and on for two months, and I am the one who’s really sick – SICK OF IT.  I am beyond frustrated.

He never throws up, hasn’t had any weird bowel issues, just says he feels sick and wants to lay down, or just stop eating for awhile. He even went to the clinic one day at school during lunch, and lunch is his 2nd favorite part of the day (after recess of course).

This all started back in July – he did throw up in July two separate times after CHUGGING chocolate milk at restaurants, so I think maybe that psychologically damaged him and now he’s terrified of getting sick so he is worrying about it so much that he is making himself feel bad.

We’ve taken him off dairy and it hasn’t seemed to have made any difference.

Bobby doesn’t get home til 7 pm, so the kids have already eaten dinner by then. I am tired of doing dinner by myself for years anyways, I ALWAYS have to struggle to get Sophie to eat, and now THIS – it’s making me apoplectic. Joshua thinks I am mad at him, which is probably making his whole psychosomatic stomach problem worse. I am not mad at him, but I am BEYOND frustrated and I can’t really hold that in anymore.  I can barely hold ANY frustration in by dinner time, which again, I might add, I do by myself five nights a week, outnumbered three to one.

So, how about it, readers? Diagnose my kid for me. That way you can save me a $30 copay at the pediatrician’s office.  And though you probably can’t save my kid from intense counseling and therapy because his mom is so mean, the extra $30 could at least go toward those future therapy bills.  You have until 4:10 PM, Eastern time to figure this one out for me. GO!

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Today

Sammy had his 3 year old check up yesterday. I’d always thought people who said their kids got sick after well visits were full of it. That is, until Sam started throwing up at 5 a.m. And then again at 6. And then again a few minutes ago.

So he and I are hanging out at home all day and I’ve been trying to think of all the things I should get done with this unexpected day off. So far, I’ve eaten a bowl of cheerios and checked Facebook. I can check those things off the list! I should probably move his sheets and pajamas from the washer to the dryer… after I drink my coffee.

I also have another situation to deal with that completely perplexes me and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it. For the moment, I’m not doing anything about it, which I’m sure doesn’t sound like a big deal until I tell you that it involves my living room, a trash can, and vomit. Yeah, I should probably get to work on that. But like I said, I haven’t figured out how to deal with it, and I’m not sure google is going to be able to help me out with this one. I think calling my grandma would be more effective; she can clean anything.

Wow, I sound like Jenny with all this talk of body fluids. My apologies.

So anyway, we’ll see how this day shapes up, but right now my to-do list looks something like this.
1) Transfer laundry to dryer.
2) Toss trashcan out the back door.
3) Snuggle up with my boy.

That should about do it.

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Pavlov’s Bowels

I pretty much have the worst potty-training track record ever, unlike some people.  The potty training process with Joshua, and then Sophie, were two of my lowest parenting points.

So, with Jonah, I’m getting proactive.  I’m gonna have this kid in big-boy pants by the time he’s two!

Ok, not really. But somehow I’ve discovered that I CAN get him to poop on demand!  Well, not really demand.  But he’s sort of trained to poop when I lay him on his changing table.  Like Pavlov’s dog salivated when he heard the bell, Jonah moves his bowels when I lay him down on the changing table.  It. is. AWESOME.  And rather impressive, I must say!

Gearing up to pop out a poop!

I kid you not, if it’s diaper changing time, and he has not already pooped, I just lay him down there and within about 2 minutes he will produce a very loud, ginormous key-rap.  I first realized it after a couple times where I changed him TOO quickly and he immediately (and loudly) soiled the brand-new diaper.  And once when he pooped bare-buns on the changing table. EEEWWW.

Since he is SO very consistent with this, I have learned to take off his pants and pull his onesie way up to his shoulders because sometimes he will still shoot ’em straight up the back even when he’s laying there!  I learned this lesson the hard way – several times.

So there ya go. I’ve got my baby poop trained.  If being trained to poop in a diaper, on a changing table, is worth anything at all…it’s at least worth a laugh!

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