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Small (??) Prices to Pay for a Miracle

We know that any minor inconveniences that come with pregnancy are worth it. We’re thankful we have healthy children. And we really do love our kids.

But if you’ve been pregnant, you know that even though the logical you knows that the morning sickness and cankles will pass (eventually), but it really doesn’t seem that way to your enormously pregnant self. So we’ve made a list of just a few of the fun things that we encountered during our pregnancies.

Small Prices to Pay for a Miracle

 Swollen hands and feet : and by swollen, I mean approximately 3-5 times the normal size. I will never forget the nurse that asked me several hours after giving birth if my feet were still pregnant. Sure enough they were.

Fat face: mine was so bad, I can hardly stand to think about it.

 Stretch marks: everywhere.

Fatigue it’s a darn good thing that Jenny and I worked in the same office (alone, I might add – great thinking, former employers!) while we were pregnant – one of us could be the look-out person while the other one napped on the conference room table.

 Irrationality/emotional instability: our husbands will back us up on this one.

Charley horses: I have a really unfortunate charley horse experience that is too long to tell here, but would be the good subject of a future blog entry.

 Projectile nosebleeds: what does pregnancy have to do with nosebleeds? Oh that’s right, NOTHING is sacred!

Dr. putting her hand up to her elbow in your hoo-ha: self-explanatory

Hips popping out of wherever they’re supposed to be: No, no, I’m good, I’m just gonna stand her until my anatomy corrects itself and I can walk again.

Being 9 months pregnant for TWO MONTHS: DO the math

Puking: it’s not always just in the morning folks!

Inability to roll over in bed: Having to wake your husband to roll you over is NOT good for your marriage.

Tailbone (aka BUTT) pain: don’t need to elaborate there, either.

Baby squishing your lungs: CAN’T FREAKING BREATHE

Heartburn:  all the time, regardless of what I ate or didn’t eat. It was awful. (And for those familiar with this particular old-wives tale, my baby had a ton of hair.)

25-??? extra pounds: Those question marks should really be multiplication symbols.

So that’s what Jenny and I could come up with… but we know there’s a lot we’re missing! What “small prices” did YOU have to pay for your miracle???

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Rewind…1/2/04: Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’



Date: 1/02/04
To: Emily
From: Jenny
Subj: I’m huge!!

This baby is going crazy with the rib-kicking! And I’m officially GINORMOUS. Em, I can barely cross my legs anymore. What am I going to do? I NEED TO CROSS MY LEGS!! And my pantyhose are rolling down my pelvic area…gotta go take care of that. I’ll write you later when they’re resting comfortably right below my bra again.

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Days of Chunder



Please take a trip back in time with me, to last spring when I was about ten weeks pregnant with my daughter. I was having a rough time, and I journaled about it…enjoy!

My unborn child is TRYING TO KILL ME.

UNCLE! UNCLE I say! You win, baby! You’re the boss! I keep trying to tell this kiddo that mommy is bowing to his/her authority, but Baby will not listen. And so I must assume that he or she is going to me much more rascally than Joshua. Even though I puked my fair share with Joshua, it was nothing like this. That was a freaking BREEZE. It was mostly in the morning and I could still function. This week I’ve been throwing up morning, noon, evening, night, and middle of the night. And when I puke, I don’t even feel better! I still feel sick! So I’ve pretty much been on the couch or in bed nonstop, when I am not at work. Poor Joshua has not had a very fun mommy and like all good mommies, I feel extremely guilty about that. Although, he does laugh when I throw up and says repeatedly “That’s funny!” so maybe I am a little bit of fun after all.
When I am laying on the couch or the bed miserable, I pretty much concentrate on NOT thinking about being sick. You know, not thinking about how many times I’ve puked, how many different places, how many different types of receptacles. (Example: Monday: Number of pukes: four. Number of places: three – once at work, once at my brother’s house, twice at home. Types of receptacles: two – three toilets and a trashcan. Grossest puke: in my downstairs bathroom when IT SPLASHED BACK UP IN MY FACE!!!!!)

You can see why I try not to think about these things, but it’s nearly impossible! It’s also impossible not to think about FOOD, cause when I do get hungry, I’m usually REALLY hungry but have no idea what I want. When I finally pick something I usually only eat a very little bit and then get turned off. So it’s very frustrating.
I will also say that one of the joys of being pregnant and having a toddler at home is that the smell of Joshua’s stinky poo diapers regularly sends me running to the nearest ralph-friendly receptacle. And THEN, after a few minutes, I have to actually CHANGE the thing. Yikes, that is a pretty big challenge, because I don’t want to a) throw up on my son or b) leave him diaper-less while I again run to the nearest Spewing Depot. It’s quite the quandary.

I sure hope this baby hears my cries of surrender and gives me some relief soon!

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