Category: Random

So Jenny and I have been spouting nonsense on the interwebs for more than six years now (you have our apologies), but – needless to say – we haven’t really hit the big time. Sure, we’ve found our place as solid C-list bloggers, but let’s just say we haven’t quit our day jobs.

We haven’t gone viral.

Jenny got me thinking about this the other night with one of her “it’s late and I’m grumpy and losing my filter” facebook status updates:

For my birthday I would like for one of my blog posts to go viral so that everyone can write me indignant responses and try to skewer me for making a strong statement from my own point of view. From which, I see life, and which, may not be the same as yours. Somebody get me some candles to blow out. Or maybe I’ll just wish we were all robots of one mind. Wouldn’t that be fun? I have to go write a letter to Miley now. Bye.

I love it when Jenny gets snarky. (Which, seriously, if we want to get famous? We should totally publish our text messages to each other. Because snarky + hilarious = INTERNET FAME. However, we have tried really hard to seem like relatively nice people and it would be a shame to blow that cover at this point.)

So what I’m wondering is, why haven’t we gone viral yet? I mean, we’ve put some funny crap out there. Jenny even tries to tell people how to live their lives! But still, nothing.

Not one person has ever written an indignant response to one of our blog posts.

This must change.

So… what do you think we should do? How can we rile people up? We’re not smart enough to write anything complicated like Syria or the importance of teenage girls wearing bras. But we are the only first-and-fifth-cousin-mom-bloggers in the world, does that count for nothing?

OMG I just googled “viral blog post” and there are like 392 “how to make your blog post go viral” tutorials out there. I clicked on one and fell asleep at my keyboard. I am pretty sure you can’t FORCE something to go viral. That is the opposite of viral. It’s bacterial. (I AM HILARIOUS, HOW ARE WE NOT FAMOUS YET??)

This post is going from bad to worse so I am going to stop it right here, but tell me – how do you think Jenny and I should make ourselves famous? Start hating each other? Become swingers? Join a cult? I am at a loss. Help us out!

Last week, Andy and a couple of his friends had a conversation about how ridiculous it is that we spend so much money on cable TV and how it is just rotting our kids’ brains. I personally couldn’t have cared less if we have cable or not – that is, until I looked at our bank statement and saw how much we pay for it.

$140 a month. For cable. That does not include phone or internet.

Are you freaking kidding me?

So now I’m totally on the “It’s rotting their brains!!!” bandwagon because, come on, that is a lot of freaking money. I don’t know how much I thought it cost, but I sure didn’t think it was that much!

So now I’m trying to figure out alternatives – we already have a Roku, Netflix and Amazon Prime, but what else do we need? Hulu+? Apple TV? Is there such a thing as an antenna for local channels any more?

Have you ditched cable and lived to tell about it? I want to hear your success stories – and what you did with all the money you saved!

P.S. This just goes to show that everything you need to know you can learn from John Prine.

Many moons ago, my BFF Jess and I went to our local amusement park, King’s Island, about every other day. They had a fake game show that we were dying to win, and one of the standard contests was to see who could come up with some random item in their purse. We’d stuff our little Esprit bags with a pen, a hair clip, some lip gloss, and hope for the best.

These days?

I could win that contest in a heartbeat.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… the contents of my purse.

This first one’s not so bad…

But it’s downhill from there.

Here’s the serious randomness.

And finally – the crap.

It’s no wonder I can never find my damn car keys.

What’s in YOUR purse??