Throwback Thursday…. Daddy’s Tail Tale

Throwback… about a year ago. Kate had turned two in April and had gotten potty trained in June, so she was obsessed with all things potty.

This particular day, Andy was dropping Kate off at my dad’s house for the afternoon. Before he left, he wanted to make sure she went to the potty.

After she was done, she said “Do you need to go potty, Daddy?”

“Yes, Kate.”

“Do you need to go pee pee?”

“Yes, Kate.”

“Do you need to go pee pee with your… with your… with your tail?”

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Joshua Clears the Room

Last night we had a play date scheduled at the “play place” area at our local mall with my friend Megan and her lovely boy Conner, who is one of Joshua’s best buddies. But alas, at the last minute they were unable to make it. I was already on the way there when I got the news, so we continued on our way. Joshua did not take it well that Conner wasn’t coming (and yes I DID just write that to make you feel guilty Megan!), so I did what every good mother does when her child is in despair – I went through the McDonald’s drive thru and got him a chocolate milkshake. (Ok, FINE I just wanted an excuse to get an iced coffee. Are you happy??)

Because the mall is near my hubby’s work, I called him to ask if he wanted to mosey on over after he got off work and join us, and he agreed. While we were waiting for him, I got an order of pretzel sticks from Auntie Anne’s, which is strategically located right across from the play place. I CANNOT resist Auntie Anne’s! So Joshua and I snacked while waiting for my husband. Because, as I mentioned, I am a good mother, I made Joshua sit with me and eat his pretzel stick instead of running around with it while playing. One of my greatest maternal fears is of my child choking, so I try to be extra cautious. Unfortunately, this didn’t stop Joshua from shoving as much pretzel as he possibly could down his throat and then spewing it AND his entire chocolate shake all over himself and the bench we were sitting on.

Of course I had gotten only 2 napkins from Auntie Anne’s, and baby wipes just aren’t that absorbent. So – puke pool under baby wipes is what I had going on – until my knight in shining armor and the father of my two children came striding into the situation. He secured us some paper towels and he and I together bagged up all the paper towels and wipes in a “diaper duck” baggie (actually we had to double-bag. Eew.) Then Bobby took Joshua to the rest room and washed his shorts.

For some reason, when Joshua hurled, everyone evacuated the play place. Since there had been some really big, rough kids there before he puked, I was actually happy that we had the area to ourselves. Note to self…give him pretzel sticks next time there are hooligans at the play place!


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X-Rated Arm Fat

This morning my three-year-old Joshua and I were sitting on the couch. I was doing my makeup and he was playing with the fat on my upper left arm. Just why was he doing that? I can only guess it is because I am and have always been his favorite toy, jungle gym, and entertainment center.

As I applied foundation, he squeezed some of my arm fat between his hands. “Look Mommy! Your arm looks like private parts!” Hmm, just the words every mother longs to hear her son say. I looked over to see what shape he could possibly be creating with my cellulite when he stopped doing it. Perhaps it was the look on my face that made him drop the fat, but I didn’t get a look. But somehow my jiggle reminded him of some type of nudey parts. Greeeeeaaaat. Here’s the ensuing conversation.

Joshua: I’m going to tell Pop! (My father-in-law, who we are going to see tonight.)
Me: No, honey, it’s not nice to talk about private parts. We only talk about them with Mommy or Daddy. (Translation:Please for the love of God do NOT tell my father-in-law that my arm looks like private parts, or anything else that might cause him to call children’s services.)

Joshua: Right. I can tell Mommy or Daddy. Or Pop.

Me: No, honey, NOT Pop.

Joshua: Ok.

I have to stop writing now, so I can go get my 3 lb. hand weights and get these vagina arms into a more arm-like shape!! Apparently blogging is not giving them the workout they need!

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