Angelina Jolie’s NOT SO SHOCKING News

Unless you’re just waking up from a coma, you’ve probably heard about Angelina Jolie’s Op Ed in the New York Times announcing her decision to have a preventative double mastectomy. Her decision came on the heels of finding that she possesses a defect in the BRCA1 gene – a defect known to dramatically increase risk of ovarian and breast cancers.

That tiny, minute BRCA1 defect doesn’t mean “oh, you might get cancer someday.” It means “You’re probably going to get cancer, and when you do, it’s going to be bad.” We’re talking a 60% chance of getting breast cancer, and a 40% chance of getting ovarian cancer.

The news that she undertook such drastic measures (I mean, OMG BFF, she cut off her BEWBS! Will she ever work again??) to reduce her risk of cancer was described as “shocking” and “stunning.”

That news was not shocking or stunning to me.

My first thought? “Of course she $#@%ing did.”

The shocking part of that story is not that she went through three extensive, painful surgeries to have her breasts removed – it’s that she allowed her ovaries residency in her body for even another second.

I’d have been less shocked if she’d taken some Tomb Raider tool and removed that shit herself.

Lara Croft, Womb Raider.
Lara Croft, Womb Raider.

Ovarian cancer is nothing to f^ck around with. It is THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH from gynecologic cancers in the United States and the fifth leading cause of cancer death among American women.

Jolie implies that she will eventually have an oophorectomy (surgical removal of ovaries) (also – spell check wanted me to change that word to “lumpectomy.” And then my head exploded.), but when she does, will we care? Will we be shocked and stunned that she would do something so drastic? And make no mistake – removing ovaries is not the equivalent of having wisdom teeth pulled. It means lifelong hormone replacement therapy, premature menopause, osteoporosis, and all kinds of fun stuff.

Or is this just front page news because right now we’re talking about her BREASTS?

I hope not. I hope that when Anglelina Jolie and every other woman with a faulty BRCA1 gene has her ovaries removed, we hear about it. I hope we applaud the bravery required to remove an internal body part in the same way we do an externally-visible one. I hope we recognize the insidious and life-threatening nature of ovarian cancer and that as a result, women everywhere become as AWARE of ovarian cancer as they are of breast cancer, and that someday we’ll have an effective screening test for it.

Right now? We don’t. And because of that, only 20 percent of cases are caught before the cancer has spread beyond the ovary to the pelvic region, at which time there’s less than a 50% chance that the woman will survive for even five years.

Angelina Jolie’s mom died of ovarian cancer. So did mine. Our kids ask if what happened to our mothers will happen to us. Fortunately, I can say “probably not.” And thanks to Angelina’s “shocking” and “stunning” choice to have her body’s aesthetics altered, so can she.

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Review: Disney iHome Speakers

Which Superhero Are You_ (1)

We have a couple superhero fans in our house these days, so I was excited about the chance to review the iHome/Disney Hulk wireless speakers.

Actually, since I’ll never have the opportunity to use the things (my kids have an elaborate schedule of ownership, and it doesn’t include me), I asked Kate to review it for me.

Here’s what she had to say:

I think the Disney/iHome speaker is great. I would usually turn the iPad on full volume and when I wanted to dance, jump around, and sing, it wasn’t enough. The new speaker makes it perfect. I’ve only had it for about 45 minutes and I already know it’s awesome!

Mama said that it was for my brother and me, but I think it was obvious that it would be mine. I really have been enjoying it. The speaker is really awesome. I’m listening to it now. I really like it. I think you would too!

And there you have it 😉

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I’m glad I’m not writing this from the slammer.

This sign could use some punctuation, but it cracked me up!
This sign could use some punctuation, but it cracked me up!

I’m writing this post today because it’s been a while since I’ve had a good public flogging, and, frankly, I deserve it.

Tuesday, I ran up to the bookstore on my lunch hour, looking for a graduation present for a friend. I couldn’t find what I needed, so on my way back to my office – in my car, behind the wheel – I searched Amazon for it on my phone.

And then I sailed through a red light, without so much as pausing. I was 3/4 of the way through the intersection before it even registered.

I couldn’t believe I had done something so dumb, and as soon as I got back to my office I confessed my sins. Without missing a beat, my co-worker replied, “And the line of preschoolers you mowed over? They’re all ok?”

It would have been funny if it wasn’t so… possible. The light I went through is quite possibly the busiest intersection, pedestrian-wise, in town. It’s also about, oh, 300 yards from Sam’s school.

Fortunately I didn’t hit anyone and no one hit me, but my God, it could have been bad. Really, really, life-changing-ly (how do you like that word?) bad.

So, I’m going to knock that shark off, like, immediately.

I promise to never shop on Amazon while driving ever again. Ever.

But seriously, it’s time for me to reevaluate my choices, so tell me – what cell phone safety rules to do you follow? Do you make calls? Answer them? Shut your phone off all together?

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