Posted on

A Pain in the…

I realize the title may be misleading, so let me clarify one thing up front: this post is not about Emily.

HahahahhahahahaHA I crack myself up!

No, no, sadly, this post is about my continuing quest to become geriatric before my time.

Duuudes,  I don’t know what I did to my back, but it’s not getting better. The chiropractor seemed to be helping at first, but now I feel like I’ve taken some steps back. And I’ve been a good girl about doing my $#% exercises and keeping my appointments. (And also? I HATE getting adjusted. I can’t believe some of you weirdos enjoy that. And also? I’ve spent a lot of money on this to not feel any better.)

So far the only thing that really helps the pain is the heating pad and Icy Hot/Ben-Gay patches on my back. I’ve been taking massive doses of Aleve to no avail, so I’ve decided to stop doing that. I’m getting so desperate I am about to hit the mean streets of Dayton and troll for some pain meds (just kidding, please do not arrest me.)

I’ve got another doctor’s appointment this week with my regular doctor and I’m hoping he will prescribe me a magical anti-inflammatory or muscle relaxer or WHATEVER and maybe even refer me to a PT. Although I am going to try to get in with a massage therapist this week as well.

Because being in pain is exhausting. I don’t know how those of you who live with chronic pain do it. It also makes me feel a bit panicky when it’s hurting really bad and I can’t get any relief.

So anyway. I’m feeling like I’m 35 going on 70. With the face, of course, of a 20-year-old. My saving grace, right? Ha ha ha ha ha.

Somebody fix me!

Post to Twitter

Posted on

Oh, the pageantry!

You guys. Season 4 of “Toddlers & Tiaras” is now on Netflix!

So, I will see you in about a week after I watch every single episode.

But I’ve already watched a few, including the one featuring three-year-old Olivia, who is so mean she gives me goosebumps! Fairly sure this one is going to off her mom in the middle of the night.  But that’s ok, because her mom knows that she’s going to go far in life because she’s pretty! As she says, the popular kids don’t get popular by being ugly.

Clearly, Olivia is thankful for her mother’s positive support.

 

So far, my favorite mom this season has been Ca’Trina, who is a devout Pentecostal and “really had to pray about the spray tan” for her 6-year-old daughter, Syraniti. Pronounced “Serenity” – which by the way, breaks SO MANY of my Jenny’s Life Klass baby naming rules. Ugh. But at least she CARES whether or not her -year-old looks like a 30-year-old.

There was actually one mom on this season who said they were about done with pageants because she wouldn’t put her daughter in anything baring her midriff and she didn’t think she would be able to win without that for much longer. Kudos to you, mama!

But anyhoo. Back to the crazies. Eight-year-old Chloe’s mom loves the way she shakes it in an entirely-too-authentic Daisy Duke outfit. And of course, so do the judges. Because you’re never too young to be sexy, OBVIOUSLY!

Which is why every weekend in hundreds of pageants all across America, two-year-olds wear false eyelashes and lipstick.

And I can’t. Stop! Watching!

On Netflix, that is.

Stay tuned next week for a compilation of my favorite T&T season 4 quotes!

Post to Twitter

Posted on

Green Smoothie Love

Topics have been a little heavy around Mommin’ It Up this week, so today I want to talk about something happy…

Green smoothies! Woo!

I came across green smoothies about a year ago, and while I loved them, I had a hard time figuring out the best way to make them fit into my lifestyle – I am always running out the door in the morning, and chopping fruits and vegetables doesn’t work well with that scenario. A few weeks ago, though, I decided to make packages of the ingredients and freeze them, and it’s worked out really well. I grab a couple of them out of the freezer every morning, run hot water over them, and blend them up. Voila, breakfast and lunch!

Green smoothie recipes are all over the internet, but my go-to site is IncredibleSmoothies.com. I like them best with just fruits and vegetables – no milk/yogurt/whatever. Dr. Oz also has one, but he and I aren’t on speaking terms after the $25 bottle of raspberry ketones he told me to buy didn’t melt fat off my body. Anyway, my very favorite is spinach, apple, pear, banana, and celery.

Try it! You’ll love it, I promise!

Post to Twitter