At least, that’s what Sam’s decided he wants. Not real dog crap – there’s plenty of that in the back yard that I haven’t noticed anyone clamoring for – but fun dog crap.
Doggie Doo, to be more exact.
To play, feed your Doggie and take him for a walk. When you squeeze his leash, he makes a gassy sound that gets louder and louder until…plop. The first to clean up after the dog three times wins!
Are you *&#$ing kidding me????
Silly, funny sounds add to the fun!
Kids will laugh and love the hilarious sounds the doggie makes as the food gets digested! Air pressure from the bone in the doggie’s mouth moves the yellow slime down the body of the dog and creates gassy sounds that will have everyone laughing out loud.
Everyone will be laughing out loud except me, who will be running to the bathroom to throw up. Who comes up with this crap??? (heh. crap.)
This? Is accomplished through the sacrifice of my sanity!
You know what STRESSES ME OUT? Getting my big kids ready for school. We have a routine. It still makes me crazy. Bobby gets the kids up and gets them breakfast while I nurse Jonah who is incapable of sleeping in until I get the big kids ready, natch. Then, I come down and fuss at the big kids while they eat as s-l-o-w-l-y as possible and mess around (while Bobby is making school lunches). After I threaten them about 75 times, they finish eating and go to the restroom and begin getting dressed.
Which is about the time Jonah decided he needs to nurse again.
So while I shout drill sergeant commands at Sophie, who cannot seem to put her clothes on without being yelled at, I nurse the baby again. (YES, my life would be SO MUCH EASIER if I weaned him. But I haven’t had 10 days that I could let him scream at me non-stop. Which is what it took with Sophie. Lord help us all.)
I pry him off by the time it’s time to do her hair, and then he fusses at me and tries to push his sister off of me while I brush her hair and make her look like a living doll. Which is slightly difficult when a toddler is trying to push her away while I’m strategically placing hair bows and flower clips. But we suffer through it.
Then I send her off to brush her teeth (Joshua’s already ready at this point, he generally has no problems once breakfast is over) and all of a sudden Jonah is happy again and goes and plays. Of course.
After all teeth are brushed, I coach the big kids through the CLEARLY arduous process of – gasp!- putting their coats and backpacks on! And grabbing their lunch boxes! It only takes about 27 minutes of nagging for this to occur.
Finally, Bobby appears, uniform on, and whisks them out the door to school.
And I resist the urge to go buy some xanax off the street and have a cup of coffee instead.
Tomorrow I think I’ll just stay in bed with Jonah and let them fend for themselves! I can’t stand being a drill sergeant all morning!
What’s your morning routine like? Tell me about it in the comments. Unless it’s all sunshine and roses and then I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!
As I mentioned earlier, Kate is growing up. Despite the fact that I’m not a fan of this, it’s a reality. However, for this generation, there’s a new layer in the coming-of-age drama – cell phones.
Quick, someone tell Judy Blume to write a book about this!
But fortunately, until “R U There (OM)G, itz me Madison” comes out, AT&T has launched a mobile safety campaign to help us navigate these new waters and keep our families connected and our kids safe.
AT&T surveyed 1000 parents and 500 kids ages 8-17 about their families’ use of mobile phones. Here are some of the results.
– The average age of kids getting a smartphone (smartphone!) is 13.8. (I was 31.8, but you know, whatever.)
– 89% of parents are worried about their kids being in a vehicle with someone who is texting and driving, and 53% of kids have actually been in that situation. (I am thoroughly ashamed to admit that my 8 year old tells me to put the phone down when we are in the car.)
– More than 1 in 5 kids have received a mean or bullying text message from another kid on their mobile phone.
– Almost half (46%) have a friend who has received a message or picture that their parents would not have liked because it was too sexual.
– Only 66% of kids say they have rules on their phone usage, but 90% of them say it’s ok for parents to set rules on their phone usage.
AT&T has a website (www.att.com/familysafety) where you can find all the resources you need for dealing with kids and mobile devices – all sorted by age group. One of the best ones I found is a sheet on raising responsible digital citizens. Among other things, it suggests that we:
– Model good behavior. Turn off your mobile phones and electronic devices during dinner or while participating in family activities.
– Pay attention. Know where your kids go online and what they’re doing there.
– Impart your values. Cheating, lying and being cruel online are not acceptable.
– Establish limits. Set clear time or texting limits and time of day restrictions so children know when it’s appropriate to use mobile phones or technology.
– Encourage balance. Support their interest in offline activities that don’t require a gadget or mobile device.
– Make kids accountable. Using digital media is a privilege.
The ball is in our court, people. We’ve got to step up to the plate!
How’s that for a mixed-sports metaphor?
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Disclosure: I’m working with AT&T and The Motherhood to discuss mobile safety issues and have been compensated for my time, in case you were wondering.
