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Fail Whale

Today could very well prove to be my ultimate (to date, I’m sure there’s more to come) parenting FAIL.

I drop Kate off at my grandma’s on my way to work in the morning, and then my grandma takes her to school. As I left this morning, Kate told me she wasn’t feeling well and that her throat hurt and her back hurt (enter my suspicion – throat and back ailments aren’t a typical combination). She seemed ok, so I headed on, but about halfway through my commute she called again to tell me she wasn’t feeling good (despite her nutritious breakfast of cinnamon rolls and ice cream, which of course was the only thing that could possibly make her throat feel better). We agreed that Grandma would take her temperature, and if she didn’t have a fever, she’d go to school.

Great.

Except she called me again about 15 minutes later, still insisting that she didn’t feel well and she couldn’t go to school. I could, of course, be totally wrong about this, but I really do not think she is sick. Moms can tell these things, right? Yeah, famous last words. So in any case, we decided she would go to school and I said if she still felt bad there, she could have the secretary call me. I am banking on the fact that once she gets there, she will be fine.

However.

After I got off the phone with her, I checked my calendar and wouldn’t you know it, today is the day Kate will get the H1N1 vaccine at school. This day totally crept up on me. I was planning to prepare her for it, but I totally didn’t, and I was afraid that if I called her and told her after all we had gone through debating her attendance today anyway, that it would be a giant disaster.

So now she’s headed to school as we speak (or I type), blissfully unaware of the fact that she’s going to be vaccinated today. Unless, of course, she does know about the vaccination because of school announcements (the same way she found out about the skating party last week that I was conveniently not going to mention), and that’s where this entire problem is coming from.

Or maybe she is sick, and I didn’t believe her. And if she is sick, she shouldn’t be getting the vaccination. And that, my friends, would be a parenting fail of epic proportions.

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The Great Donut Debacle of 2009

Friday morning I needed to go to Kroger to get a few things, and I decided on the way there, being the indulgent mother that I am, to go through the Tim Horton’s drive-thru to get Sophie a donut for a special treat. But then I thought, “Hmm, donuts are so messy. I always get her the glazed donut and the glaze flakes everywhere. Maybe this time I should get her the chocolate dip donut, because the icing is thicker and harder, and it won’t flake off like the glaze does.”

THIS my friends, is where that VERY FLAWED logic got me:

sophiedonut

Please note my favorite part of this photo: Sophie’s hair matted with chocolate and stuck to her chin like a BEARD.

The nice people at Tim Horton’s gave me FRESH donuts. As in fresh, dripping with chocolate icing that had not yet had time to harden. And of course, having promised the Soph a donut, it’s not like I could withhold it!

So, the second place this flawed logic and my own dumbness got me, was the parking lot of Kroger with a child covered in chocolate icing and NO WIPES! Because really, I DO have to earn my “Mother of the Year” badge somehow!

I REALLY had to get some groceries for a little shindig I was having, so I could not turn around and go home to clean my child up. Out of desperation, I left Soph in the car, dashed in the entrance of Kroger, and grabbed about 40 kajillion of those clorox wipes they have out for you to clean your cart with.

That’s right! I scrubbed my toddler’s face and hands clean with CLOROX wipes!! Again, I should definitely be up for some fabulous award. She was NONE too pleased with the situation. And as the clorox wipes couldn’t break up the layers of hair matted with chocolate icing, I had to throw her in the bathtub and scrub it out when we got home.

But at least she didn’t look like a mini “Bearded Lady” going through Kroger!

*Sheesh*. The chocolate dip donut was a bad choice. Next time I’m gettin’ the TimBits!

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You only get one face, unless you’re Joan Rivers

Fight the frump friday at Blissfully Domestic

It’s time for me to get on my soapbox here, friends. Or my facewashbox to be more accurate. My dear readers, and lady friends, I want you to take care of your FACE! Unless you are Joan Rivers or Tori Spelling, the face God gave you is the only one you’re gonna get. So you have to take care of your skin!! Besides, even if you could, why would you want to look like this??

joan_rivers_full 1

I mean, really? I am thinking she should’ve quite while she was ahead! Yee-ikes!

But anyhoo. No matter how fugly I get, you will never catch anyone operating on my face or injecting it with botulism (aka Botox). NOT HAPPENING. But I am doing everything I can to make sure it won’t be necessary, by taking care of my dang skin! I didn’t start until I was 30, but now I am full-on in the game. So here is my advice on how to take care of your skin so you still look like a very attractive you when you are 50!

1) CLEANSE – wash your face morning and night
2) EXFOLIATE – use a product that will slough off the dead skin a couple of times a week at least (I am addicted to Mary Kay’s microdermabrasion. It is like the BEST feeling ever! If you like liquid sandpaper to get all the dead stuff of your face, WHICH I DO!)
3) MOISTURIZE – day and night!
4) PROTECT – use a product with suncscreen to protect your skin from UV rays. Any damage you do today, you won’t see for 10 years. So in order to avoid waking up with some big-a** crows feet in 2019, start using a product with sunscreen!
5) STAY THE CRAP AWAY FROM THE TANNING BED! (this means you too, Uncle Paul!) Embrace your inner, or rather outer, whiteness, as I have, or just use a self-tanner. There are a bajillion good products out there. No need to give yourself skin cancer or wrinkles. It’s TRUE!!

Ok, so – ready, set, GO take care of your face!! And after you do that, go read how everyone else is fighting the frump at Blissfully Domestic at Fight the Frump Friday! Because, you know, I wrote that post too. 🙂

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