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Everyone’s a-twitter…

About Twitter. Except me. I don’t get it! I signed up for it about one day before I had Sam, and I stared at the screen for a few minutes before giving up, and I haven’t been back. I keep getting emails saying people are “following” me on it, but that must be pretty thrilling because I’m not going anywhere. It must be fun, though, because it seems like everyone’s doing it. So will someone explain it to me?

I am hoping to get hooked on this Twitter thing, because my current internet addiction has become the victim of an upgrade. Has anyone been on Urban Baby in the past 12 hours?? W. T. F. No one has had an idea that great since New Coke. I’m seriously upset by this, but it’s a good thing I am on maternity leave or I would be staging an uprising. So if you UB dummies are reading this, which I’m sure you’re not, PUT IT BACK.

And in other completely random news, does anyone think that The Office hasn’t been as good after the writers’ strike? I hate to say it, but it’s true. Except for when Jim said he bought an engagement ring a week after he and Pam started dating… that was about the sweetest tv moment ever. But in general, I think The Office is spending too much time out of the office.

And that, my friends, is as deep as my thinking gets these days.

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Lock Up Your Daughters. Or Just Blindfold Them.

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For those of you getting a tummy tuck, boob job, or nose job for Mother’s Day, I have great news. There’s a new book that just came out by a plastic surgeon that will help you talk to your kids about it!

AND…it makes me want to PUKE!

It’s called My Beautiful Mommy, and from what I gathered by reading the Newsweek article about it, it features a pretty midriff-baring mommy who just wants to be prettier. Thank God, a muscle-bound, super-hero looking plastic surgeon can take care of that for her! SHEW! Otherwise she might have to go through life looking just pretty. With the face that God gave her. And a body that – gasp! – bears the marks of childbirth! A fate worse than death, I say.

As you may have guessed from my sarcasm (were you picking that up I hope?), I think this book is ridiculous, and the fact that some actually see a “need” for it to be written (see Newsweek article) is just insane. The book is geared toward 4 to 7 year-olds. Here’s an idea: if you have a 4 to 7 year-old child and you are having cosmetic surgery just ’cause you wanna be prettier, don’t TELL THEM THAT. Your children will come up with self-esteem problems on their own. Your daughters don’t need the details of your inferiority complex to jump-start them on the Road to Bulimia.

I was discussing this book with my sisters-in-law and my mom, and I said, “It makes me want to keep Sophie from learning how to read.” My sister-in-law Sarah replied, “She doesn’t need to learn how to read. She just needs to be able to look out the window at a billboard.”

Ugh.

Time to invest in a baby blindfold.

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