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Enough

“How’s your brain?” a friend asked me this weekend. Meaning, to ask, of course, if I was still losing my ever-loving mind.

“Eh. I have good days and bad days.” I replied.

Which is true, but it’s not quite that simple. Some days I have really good days, and some days I have really bad days, and some days, I am just not quite right. Some days it is my mental health that needs a tune-up, and other days my hormones still torture me physically.

I am working on it. I have medication, I have routine doctor’s appointments, and now, after a good talk with the aforementioned friend, I have some social and activity-related goals I am going to set for myself. To be proactive, and perhaps, help my body chemistry along a bit.

But the truth is I am tired. Tired of trying to get better, tired of waiting to get better, tired of not being better. Tired of feeling totally awesome for a couple of days and then the crushing disappointment of feeling the opposite of awesome the next day.

And sometimes, I am afraid. Afraid that this will be the rest of my life. Afraid that I will end up laying in the middle of my lawn speaking jibberish and wearing my underwear on my head. Afraid that if I post about being crazy I will not be invited to cool mommy blogger events or win friends and influence people (hey I never said my fears were rational.)

What will I learn from this…period in my life? I want to know it, this lesson, I want to have learned it, earned it, put it into practice. I want to tuck it into my back pocket and say, “Oh, I am so glad I had that experience because it made me a better person.”

The Bible says we are to count our trials as joys. Because they build faith, and character. It also says they that wait on the Lord will soar like eagles. And soaring instead of muddling sounds lovely right now, and I want to do it. So I wait. And I remember, in my saner moments, in the quiet, in the stillness, that it is enough that God knows. He knows the number of my days, which ones will be a battle and which ones will be full of effortless joy. He knows these things that it is not time for me to know yet, and for that I am so thankful. It is unknown to me but it is not unknown.

It is enough.

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The $1 Million Question

Wayyyy back in the day when Jenny and Bobby got married, I gave them a card that said something along the lines of “Congratulations! You’re never going to have to hear ‘When are you going to get married?’ again!” on the outside, and on the inside it said “So when are you going to have a baby?”

And then after the first… “Ready for another one??”

Then after the second (and I presume subsequent children as well), the common refrain is “So are you done now?”

Which, my friends, is where Andy and I are right now.

Before Sammy was born, I would have (and did) answered that question with an emphatic “Hell yeah!” I mean, I practically had him scheduled for the ol’ snip snip.

Now, though, it’s more of a {face contorted} “Yes. I think so. Probably. Maybe. I don’t know.”

And that’s just it – I don’t know.

It doesn’t make sense for us to have more kids. We don’t have another bedroom, and Sammy’s is already super small. We don’t have room for another car seat. And I can’t even begin to think about the financial implications of another baby.

But… I see things like Megan’s ultrasound or hear a tiny baby cry and my uterus skips a beat.

I also realize, though, that those things probably happen regardless. I mean, what are you supposed to do – keep having children until the sights/sounds of pregnancy and babies are repulsive? That doesn’t sound like such a good plan.

So tell me, readers, how did you know that you were done? Or how did you know that you’re not?

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I may be a WEE bit Obsessed

It’s Things I Love Thursday over at the Diaper Diaries, where if you haven’t heard, Jill is knocked up with a baby boy! Yay Jill! But anyhoo, I haven’t played along in awhile so today I’d share one of my most fervent fashion obsessions with you: Shade Clothing. I discovered Shade quite by accident when searching the old interwebz for swimwear, and then contacted them. They sent me a couple of items to review for Blissful Style a few weeks ago, and I was HOOKED. Since then they have gotten more than their money’s worth out of me! Everytime they put new items in their sale section, I buy them. I love, love, LOVE their tanks and tees. They are perfect for layering! So let me count, I now own…THIRTEEN Shade tops and one Shade cardigan. I may or may not own this boyfriend tee in all three colors.

It’s now on sale for $9.99! CRAZEEE.

These camisoles are also great for layering. I may or may not have three of those as well:

And the Shade “Perfect Tee”? Is really perfect. I only have two but I wish I had one in every color!

Here I am in a couple of my fave Shade pieces. With Andrea at Mom’s Nite Out, in my green Shade “Baby Tee”:

Me & Andrea woot!

With Andrea AGAIN at Yanni Voices in my Shade short-sleeve cardigan and yellow tank:

at yanni voices

What I love about Shade’s shirts are they are a nice long length, stretchy, and just perfect for layering. Plus, the prices are GREAT! They also have cardigans, dresses, skirts, and great swimwear! Check it all out at their website. I promise the Shade people are not paying me to say this (although, Shade folks, I CAN be bought, please take note), I am just telling you this out of the goodness of my heart! I want to spread the Shade love!

Oh and here’s the BEST PART! If I invite you, and you sign up for Shade’s email newsletter, you’ll get a FREE Shade cami!! So email me if you want an invite – jenny at momminitup dot com. Yay for FREE CAMIs!!

Well, that’s what I love this Thursday. To see what other people love, go visit TILT headquarters at the Diaper Diaries!

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