On Raising Girls

This is my daughter.

She’s smart, she’s kind, she’s funny, she’s spirited, she’s strong. She’s loved.

She’s also confident. As she got ready for her school program in December, she looked in the mirror and said “I think I’m going to be the prettiest polar bear on stage.” My husband cringed at the lack of humility; I silently thanked God for her self-assurance. And I prayed that confidence would remain in her always.

Last week, a little girl – younger than Kate, I’d guess around six – stopped Kate in the hallway and said, “Kate, have you gotten fatter?”

I don’t know what Kate’s response was at the time, but I do know that when I got home that evening, she met me at the door and told me what had happened. She was brokenhearted.

“I don’t think I’m fat,” she said. “But the other girls on my basketball team have skinnier legs than I do.”

Then she demonstrated to me how the circumference of her legs increased when she sat down on a chair.

She cried. I wanted to cry and/or bang some six-year-old heads together.

I assured her she wasn’t fat (and even if she was, so effing what?), that she was perfect and that her body was strong and functional and did all the things she wanted it to do. She can run and jump and swim and dance.

Eventually she calmed down, and while she hasn’t brought it up again, I worry that a seed of doubt was planted in her mind, that a piece of the confidence I admire so much was chipped away.

We, as parents, have the responsibility not only to know how to respond to our children when harsh words are thrown their way, but also to make sure that they’re not the ones making comments on the appearance or abilities of others.

How do we do that?

Beats me.

But I’m going to try to figure it out, so that I’m better prepared when (because really, it’s not an if) it happens again.

If you’re interested in this topic and free today at noon, join me in a chat at TheMotherhood.com, to learn about empowering girls. I’ll be back to tell you what I learned – and then maybe we’ll all have a better way to deal than to bang six-year-old heads together.

Post to Twitter

Live Talk on TheMotherhood.com!

I’m co-hosting a live chat tomorrow with author Rachel Simmons, and I’d love for you to join us!

From her website:
Rachel Simmons is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence. As an educator, Rachel works internationally to develop strategies to reduce bullying and empower girls.

The talk will be focused on helping our daughters to discover and embrace the best parts of their authentic selves. It’s a topic I’m passionate about, and I’m sure you are too.

The conversation will take place on Tuesday, January 31 at 12:00 p.m. EST, on TheMotherhood.com.

Hope to “see” you there!

Post to Twitter

Books & Life.

First, a quick update on Grandma – tests yesterday determined that the source of her internal bleeding was an ulcer, and that the bleeding had stopped. She’ll stay in the hospital for another day or two to get rest and recuperate, and then she’ll go home. We are so thankful. Thank you for all your prayers and kind comments!

******

I’ve been on a bit of a reading kick lately. I have always loved to read, but I seem to go in spurts where I read a lot of books… or stick to reading Facebook and Twitter before bed. Anyway, a few days ago I finished a book that I loved so much I had to share it with you!

Lost and Found: Unexpected Revelations About Food and Money, by Geneen Roth.

Geneen Roth is the author of a number of books about the psychology behind emotional eating and relationships with food, but this is the first of her books that I’ve read. In it, she describes the transformation of her and her husband’s lives after they their entire life savings was stolen by Bernie Madoff.

The Amazon description says it better than I can:

Geneen Roth, who received big kudos from Oprah for her messaging on eating disorders and spirituality, is back this spring with Lost and Found, a new book that explores how emotional issues with money mirror those with food and dieting.When Geneen Roth and her husband lost their life savings, Roth joined the millions of Americans dealing with financial turbulence, uncertainty, and abrupt reversals in their expectations. The resulting shock was the catalyst for her to explore, in workshops and in her own life, how women’s habits and behaviors around money-as with food-can lead to exactly the situations they most want to avoid.Roth identified her own unconscious choices-binge shopping followed by periods of budgetary self-deprivation, “treating” herself in ways that ultimately failed to sustain, and using money as a substitute for love-among others. As she examined the deep sources of these habits, she faced the hard truth about where her “self-protective” financial decisions had led. As in all her books, Roth relates her personal experience with irreverent humor and hard- won wisdom. Here, she offers provocative and radical strategies for transforming how we feel and behave about the resources that should, and ultimately can, sustain and support our lives.

Like I said, I loved this book. I found it really insightful and it made me think a lot about my own issues with food and money and how they might be connected. I’m anxious to read the rest of Roth’s books, particularly “Women Food and God” and “When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair.” (I actually don’t know anything about that second one, but with a title like that it’s got to be a winner.)

What have you been reading lately? Anything you recommend?

Post to Twitter