Boys.

Sam, at the ripe old age of three and a half, has developed a new interest.

Potty humor.

He was playing in the sandbox at school last week, and announced upon my arrival that he was making “poop pie.” Today as we were driving home, I asked him what he had for lunch. His response? “Poopyhead!” I thought I didn’t hear him correctly at first and asked him to repeat himself – sure enough, “Poopyhead!” I said that wasn’t a nice word and I didn’t like it, and he said “It starts with an S so that means it’s not a bad word.”

Yeah, we still have some work to do on letters. And apparently also on logic.

As you may or may not have noticed, Jenny has no problem with disgusting topics (ok I have to stop linking to posts within the category “bodily functions” before I lose my lunch). I, however, prefer not to discuss such matters. I use curse words way more than Jenny does though so I’m in no way claiming vocabularial (I made that word up, but I like it) superiority – I just think it is revolting, and saying words that Jenny will freely title a blog post with makes me physically uncomfortable.

So anyway, what am I going to do with Sam and his new fascination? I want to make it stop!!!!

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A Social Media Parable

Last Saturday, we had a wild night planned. I dropped Kate off at a birthday party, and since we had some time to kill before picking her up and getting crazy at the local corn maze, Andy, Sam and I went grab some dinner.

We have loads of dining options in our little town (I mean, at least three. Four if you count McDonald’s.), but since bar food is my favorite cuisine, we went here:

Laff’s.

As you’ll note in the picture above, Laff’s has two doors. The one on the left has a sign on the door that says “21 & over only.” The door on the right says “Family dining entrance.” We had forgotten Sam’s fake ID at home, so we just kept things simple and went in on the family side.

I was fiddling around on my phone while we waited. I “checked in” at Laff’s on facebook and uploaded a cute picture of Sam with the caption “You’ve got a baby. In a bar.” Quoting the old movie “Sweet Home Alabama.”

It was then I made my fatal mistake – instead of uploading the picture to my wall as I had intended, I posted it on the wall of a group about our hometown. Facebook mobile didn’t give me the option to delete it, so I commented on the photo admitting my error and apologizing. I posted the picture on my wall as I had intended, and forgot all about it.

Then, all hell broke loose.

By the time I checked FB again the following morning, my accidental posting had elicited all sorts of responses – everything from “That’s funny” to “we dont want to know about your baby in a bar, isnt that against the law??? Or do you want to portray children in bars, thats just shows you how twisted you are.” (Note: the grammar abuse is not my own.)

I was even reported to Facebook for this atrocity. (So far I haven’t gotten a call from Mark Zuckerberg chewing me out, but I’m still holding out hope that he’ll be in touch.)

And it just went on from there.

It was utterly ridiculous. I mean, am I the type of person who would take my three year old there late at night, prop him up on a bar stool and put beer in his sippy cup? NO. Am I the type of person who would go there on St. Patrick’s day and purposefully write in the wrong winning teams on the March Madness bracket hanging on the wall only to find out too late that it was not a dry erase marker but a Sharpie? Maybe. But that is neither here nor there.

Here is the point of my story – the lesson we can all learn from this random and odd occurrence.

Though there were a couple (very vocal) conscientious objectors, the vast majority of people who responded did so in my defense. A few of them I knew – a childhood friend of my mom’s and my third grade teacher, among others – but for the most part, I didn’t know them and they didn’t know me, but they still spoke out on the side of justice common sense.

That’s the thing about social media. When you put stuff out there – about your business or your beliefs or your preschooler’s alcoholic tendencies – you’re opening yourself up to criticism. In a lot of cases, the fear of a potential negative response prevents people from entering this space at all. And that’s a shame. Because the beautiful thing is that when complete insanity that does happen, others are there to add their two cents. I actually came out of this situation in which I was being flamed feeling great, because so many others had a sense of humor my back.

It’s like Sam says – the good guys always win.

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Memories…

At what age do kids start forming memories that will stick with them?

More specifically, do people remember things that happened when they were three and a half?

My sister was born when I was 21 months old and I have one memory of that event, so I guess I can answer my own question. Which means only one thing.

Sam is going to need therapy.

You see, Tuesday morning I had a doctor appointment – my annual visit to see the ob/gyn. It was early, I was going to head straight to work after it, and for the sake of convenience and because I didn’t have tons of other options, I took Sam with me. I brought my iPad, a couple smart phones, and told him to sit quietly.

I didn’t give it a whole lot of thought while it was all taking place, but now I am worried that it may have traumatized him – or, more accurately, will traumatize him in the future when he looks back on the time he said “Mommy, why are you naked?” and then proceeded to chat about dressing up like Captain America for Halloween while the doc was doing her thing.

This is not going to be good, people.

I mean, imagine if your husband had memories of seeing his mom get a pap smear.

**shudder**

Yeah. So if Sam catches The Gay, we’ll know why.

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