Pardon the Bon Jovi reference, but that’s exactly how Kate’s latest you-should-turn-in-your-mom-card comment made me feel!
Kate’s been going through a difficult stage lately… I don’t know if it’s her age, the new baby, or a full moon, but she’s been whiny, attitude-y, and even a little defiant the past couple of weeks. Fortunately, she’s been saving this behavior for Mom and Dad – her sitter and teachers look at us like we’re nuts when we ask if they’ve seen the same things too.
On Memorial Day, we went to the park, and the entire time we were there, it was “Kate, stop that!” “Kate, listen!” etc. When we left, we spent a few minutes in the car telling her that Daddy wasn’t just trying to be a buzz-kill when he told her not to reach under the rusty chain link fence to get the tennis ball, but that it was to keep her safe. After that speech, we stopped to get gas (a $64 fill-up for our Camry, I might add) and while Andy was outside the car, Kate was quiet and contemplative. And then I heard a sad little voice.
“Mommy, am I really that bad?”
(The sound you hear is my heart shattering into pieces). It was so pitiful. I immediately told her how good she is, even when her behavior is not, yada yada yada. But I don’t know how much of it she took to heart, especially since we had been getting after her all day.
The thing is, she is a really good kid. She’s polite, friendly and sweet (ok she is all of these things most of the time), but at the same time, she needs to listen, follow directions and use a nice tone of voice. And lose the frickin’ attitude.
Her comment, though, makes me wonder if we are too hard on her. If we look at this smart, extremely verbal kid and forget that she just turned four.
The experts say to pick your battles, but how do I decide which ones to pick? How do I determine what is normal four-year-old behavior that will subside and what I need to put a stop to? Right now, I don’t think we are finding the right balance.
We’ve amped up our efforts at positive reinforcement and make sure to tell Kate what a great kid she is… because really, the last thing I want her to think is that she’s “bad.”
