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Cleansing my palate. And also my liver.

Fruits and vegetables

I’ve been reading tons and tons of stuff about adrenal fatigue, and one thing that keeps coming up, in everything I’ve read from the very first time I ever heard of this condition until today, is diet. Certain foods wreak havoc on the adrenals, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m not going to feel 100% better until I address my consumption of sugar and processed foods.

While I’ve been making some modifications here and there in the last few months, I still found myself gorging on sugar-filled snacks at the end of the work day. And I hadn’t done jack about my coffee and/or diet coke habits. Last Friday I went to the nutritionist for a follow up, and the tests showed that my endocrine system is getting better (it’s no longer off-the-charts bad, it’s only in the sorta bad category), my liver has moved from the working swimmingly category into the sorta bad category.

These are all technical terms.

In any case, she said I am overworking my liver by ingesting crap foods, and I need to knock that shit off and concentrate on golf and eat some healthy stuff. LUCKILY, she had just the system for me – the Standard Process Purification Program, and it could be mine for the low, low price of… I’m not even going to tell you how much.

So, for the next 19.5 days (1.5 days down, woohoo) I’m going to subsist on vegetables, fruits, lean proteins (after the first 10 days, anyway), water and green tea. (Did you see diet coke and twizzlers on that list? Me either. It’s so sad.) I also have to take 21 pills a day for the first 10 days – pills that consist of dehydrated beets (which I like to pretend were grown by Dwight Schrute) and stuff. No chemicals, just food. But! I can eat Chipotle, and as long as I have Chipotle, everything is right in my world.

She swears my cravings will go away after day 4 and that I’ll feel great once my body is rid of the bad stuff. I shall believe it when I see it.

How about you, friends? Any sugar-giver-uppers out there who want to tell me how fantastic they look and feel? I’ll be anxiously awaiting your reply while I sit here and sip on liquefied turnips.

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This week can suck it.

So let me describe the week we’ve had in our house.

Sunday night, the dog bites Kate and busts up her lip.

Monday, Andy and Kate stay home and he takes her to the doctor for some anti-dog-cootie-biotics. Stay tuned for the complete story on that next week.

Monday night Sam throws up. (I mentioned that he did so in our bed, right? Just making sure.)

Tuesday, I stay home with Sam, and he continues to throw up incessantly. In our bed, in his bed, on our couch, on our carpet, you name it. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Wednesday, we get a crap ton of snow, so Andy and Kate have a snow day. I attempt to go to work but can’t see the actual road so I turn back. Sam continues to puke incessantly.

Thursday, I stay home again with Sam. I am starting to forget what my office looks like and I fear they are finding that I am in face dispensable. Sam continues to throw up – if anything, it’s worse and not better. Mid-afternoon I call the doc to know what signs of dehydration to look for. Sam continues to get worse, can’t keep anything down, and just lays on the couch listlessly. We finally get a few tablespoons of gatorade in him and he starts to perk up. A few hours and a lot of tablespoons later, he’s asking for something to eat. Miraculously, he keeps it all down.

However, when I go get Kate for dinner, she is sound asleep. At 7 pm. I know this doesn’t bode well.

I return to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner and the effing DOG throws up all over the kitchen floor.

At midnight, Kate throws up all over her bed.

That brings us to this morning. Sam’s finally doing better, but Kate’s got it full force now. Andy’s staying home with both of them so I can at last make an appearance at work, and we are both so tired we hardly know our own names.

It could be worse, I know. It’s only a stomach bug. And, you know, a dog bite. But my kids, my husband, my washer and I are WORN OUT. This week has SUCKED.

Next week has GOT to be better, right?

Or not.

Over/under on when this bug hits Andy and me?

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Smug Alert

photo (45)

Yesterday, Jenny posted about how her family can’t catch a break with illness, and my sister commented “Worst winter ever.” (um, ps Anna, this seems like the worst winter ever because it is the first winter you’ve had two kids. Just wait until the start school!)

I was all, “It’s not that bad – we haven’t had it at all at our house!”

And then Sam threw up at 3:30 this morning. In our bed. Laying on his back, so it went all over his hair and face.

Did I mention he was in our bed?

So, I have learned my smug lesson for the day. Here’s to hoping it doesn’t spread through the rest of our family like wildfire.

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