Don’t get your hopes up.

In case you missed it, I posted yesterday about the contents of my purse.

Fascinating, I know.

On our Facebook page, a reader left a comment that started with “That was way more interesting than I thought it would be.” And I thought to myself, “Well, that’s a success, then, right?”

I’ve gotta say – it’s probably best that our readers set their expectations really low for what they’re going to find on this site. Because – let’s face it – you never know.

You might click over and find yourself reading about my kid’s mullet, or about how Jenny’s boobs are lopsided thanks to her son’s nursing preferences.

You might see pictures of Jenny’s groceries or pictures of the piles of junk that adorn my daughter’s room.

There’s even a post in the archives called “In Which a Tote Bag Tragedy is Averted,” and don’t forget the time I asked a super important question about what to do with hamburger grease.

Seriously, people, this is life changing shit we’ve got going on over here.

So the lesson in this – if you haven’t learned it already, and chances are if this isn’t your first time here, you already have – is DON’T EXPECT BRILLIANCE. Do not come here looking for insight, poetic prose, or deep thoughts.

You’re not going to find those things. You’re going to find things like Jenny going to Walmart, me encouraging drug use, and us making idiots out of ourselves in front of celebrities. You’re going to find lots (and lots and lots) of pictures of Jenny’s face and of cooking disasters once described to a group of PR professionals in a swanky Chicago steakhouse as “worse than the inside of my uterus.”

And Jenny’s not only going to tell me how to live my life, but she’s going to tell the rest of you how to live your lives too.

LOWER THE BAR, people.

We have.

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I’m practically a boy scout.

esprit-purse

Many moons ago, my BFF Jess and I went to our local amusement park, King’s Island, about every other day. They had a fake game show that we were dying to win, and one of the standard contests was to see who could come up with some random item in their purse. We’d stuff our little Esprit bags with a pen, a hair clip, some lip gloss, and hope for the best.

These days?

I could win that contest in a heartbeat.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… the contents of my purse.

This first one’s not so bad…

My wallet, planner, vitamins, three prescription bottles (only one was empty!) and some black licorice (what? You don't carry black licorice around?).
My wallet, planner, vitamins, three prescription bottles (only one was empty!) and some black licorice (what? You don’t carry black licorice around?).

But it’s downhill from there.

A book, another wallet, three (empty) packs of gum, a CD, a Flip camcorder that I forgot I owned, moisturizer, and nail polish.
A book, another wallet, three (empty) packs of gum, a CD, a Flip camcorder that I forgot I owned, moisturizer, and nail polish.

Here’s the serious randomness.

A family picture from 5 years ago, two iPhone cords, earbuds, some other random cord, a Fitbit that doesn't work, two mis-matched socks (??), a bag of crumbled up cookies, and an icing tip. Because you never know when you're going to have a cupcake decorating emergency.
A family picture from 5 years ago, two iPhone cords, earbuds, some other random cord, a Fitbit that doesn’t work, two mis-matched socks (??), a bag of crumbled up cookies, and an icing tip. Because you never know when you’re going to have a cupcake decorating emergency.

And finally – the crap.

Pens, gum wrappers, grocery lists, receipts, a crumpled up napkin, and who knows what else.
Pens, gum wrappers, grocery lists, receipts, a crumpled up napkin, and who knows what else.

It’s no wonder I can never find my damn car keys.

What’s in YOUR purse??

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So now that I’m traumatized, someone suggest a TV show to watch that is not so stressful.

How’s that for the longest blog post title ever?

You guys.

I cannot handle Breaking Bad.

You all must be wayyyyy braver than I am, because so many of you were all “Breaking Bad is awesome!” a few weeks ago, but Andy and I have watched like three or four episodes and I think I am done. I can’t handle the stress!!

And OMG people, there is a lot of blood.

As it turns out, there is a reason I only watch Modern Family and The Big Bang Theory – I am a wimp.

But I haven’t given up hope that Andy and I can find a show we can get into together (because I am not watching Battlestar Galactica or whatever it’s called with him) – I just need to find one that won’t increase my blood pressure.

So, where does that leave me? Any suggestions? Girls? Parks & Rec? 30 Rock? Sesame Street?

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