My earliest memory, which plays jerkily in my head like an old 8mm filmstrip, is of going to see the house where I grew up as it was being built. I remember sitting in my parent’s car in front of the house, seeing wood framing with that black paper in between the wood. You know what I mean? I was only three. Yet, I remember it very clearly.
Do you know what else I remember about being three? Nothing. So I think that one memory of that one year of my life is kind of a cool one.
Joshua and Sophie love it when I tell them stories from my childhood, and I try to think up the really exciting ones, like when my Dad saved an injured bird on a pond one day when he took us kids fishing, or when my brother Andy locked me in the garage (in the dark) when we had a babysitter over. You know, the epic snapshots of my childhood. I could tell my kids a couple dozen or so of those stories, but then I’d run out…it’s simply amazing to me how much we can experience and not remember. How much of my life is lost in this way?
Some of my the childhood memories I savor are of my mom rubbing my back when I was sleepy, playing outside on Silverbell Court with my friend Erin, the sun-warmed pavement so hot beneath our bare feet. I remember spending the night at Grandma’s with Emily and Anna, making up dances and playing lots of rummy. I remember going fishing with my Dad and “helping” him build a deck on the back of our house. I remember going to Disney World when I was six, but the only thing I remember about it is that Captain Hook scared the bejeebers out of me and my dad was about to deck him, and that it took forever to wait for my brothers to ride Space Mountain (sorry, Em.) I remember meeting my friend Sheila on the first day of kindergarten. I remember being baptized. I remember my dad returning from a fishing trip and cleaning fish in the garage, GROSS. I remember always making a huge mess out of the patch of dirt on the edge of our driveway that I’d stir into a giant mud puddle when it rained.
Maybe I remember more than I think. Maybe I have no idea.
When Bobby and I were first married, for 14 months we lived in an apartment on the 7th floor of a building near downtown Dayton. I spent my first year of marriage there and yet I remember almost nothing about living there. It was like a “blip” – it went by so fast. It’s just so weird to me that I don’t have more specific memories from that time. I feel the same way about Sophie’s first year of life – really almost her first two years. I guess I was a little incredibly overwhelmed by the transition from one kid to two, from working part time to staying at home, and from starting the blog during that time. I know I was exhausted, as she didn’t sleep well until she was 15 months old. I look at pictures and they jog memories, but her babyhood is pretty much a blur to me, and it makes me sad. But she was so crazy and I was so worn out – all those months of sleep-deprivation were detrimental to my memory for sure. Momnesia definitely set in.
Since Jonah’s my last baby, I want to try and re-mem-ber as much as I can about these times. About us as a family of five. I want to take the time to recognize a moment and say, “Oh! I have to remember this!” and then do it. And I want to give my kids those special memories…will Sophie remember me rubbing her back at night? Will Joshua remember making fun science crafts with me on spring break? Will they remember seeing their baby brother in the hospital when he was born? I hope so. I hope that most of all, even if some of the details slip away, they’ll remember what I remember most about my childhood…being happy, loved, and secure.
What’s something you’re so glad you remember, or something you wish you remembered more clearly?
