Things I wish I could remember

My earliest memory, which plays jerkily in my head like an old 8mm filmstrip, is of going to see the house where I grew up as it was being built.  I remember sitting in my parent’s car in front of the house, seeing wood framing with that black paper in between the wood.  You know what I mean?  I was only three.  Yet, I remember it very clearly.

Do you know what else I remember about being three?  Nothing.  So I think that one memory of that one year of my life is kind of a cool one.

Joshua and Sophie love it when I tell them stories from my childhood, and I try to think up the really exciting ones, like when my Dad saved an injured bird on a pond one day when he took us kids fishing, or when my brother Andy locked me in the garage (in the dark) when we had a babysitter over.  You know, the epic snapshots of my childhood.  I could tell my kids a couple dozen or so of those stories, but then I’d run out…it’s simply amazing to me how much we can experience and not remember.  How much of my life is lost in this way?

Some of my the childhood memories I savor are of my mom rubbing my back when I was sleepy, playing outside on Silverbell Court with my friend Erin, the sun-warmed pavement so hot beneath our bare feet.  I remember spending the night at Grandma’s with Emily and Anna, making up dances and playing lots of rummy. I remember going fishing with my Dad and “helping” him build a deck on the back of our house.  I remember going to Disney World when I was six, but the only thing I remember about it is that Captain Hook scared the bejeebers out of me and my dad was about to deck him, and that it took forever to wait for my brothers to ride Space Mountain (sorry, Em.)  I remember meeting my friend Sheila on the first day of kindergarten.  I remember being baptized.  I remember my dad returning from a fishing trip and cleaning fish in the garage, GROSS.  I remember always making a huge mess out of the patch of dirt on the edge of our driveway that I’d stir into a giant mud puddle when it rained.

Maybe I remember more than I think.  Maybe I have no idea.

When Bobby and I were first married, for 14 months we lived in an apartment on the 7th floor of a building near downtown Dayton.  I spent my first year of marriage there and yet I remember almost nothing about living there.  It was like a “blip” – it went by so fast.  It’s just so weird to me that I don’t have more specific memories from that time.  I feel the same way about Sophie’s first year of life – really almost her first two years.  I guess I was a little  incredibly overwhelmed by the transition from one kid to two, from working part time to staying at home, and from starting the blog during that time.  I know I was exhausted, as she didn’t sleep well until she was 15 months old.  I look at pictures and they jog memories, but her babyhood is pretty much a blur to me, and it makes me sad.  But she was so crazy and I was so worn out  – all those  months of sleep-deprivation were detrimental to my memory for sure.  Momnesia definitely set in.

Since Jonah’s my last baby, I want to try and re-mem-ber as much as I can about these times.  About us as a family of five.  I want to take the time to recognize a moment and say, “Oh! I have to remember this!”  and then do it.  And I want to give my kids those special memories…will Sophie remember me rubbing her back at night?  Will Joshua remember making fun science crafts with me on spring break? Will they remember seeing their baby brother in the hospital when he was born? I hope so.  I hope that most of all, even if some of the details slip away, they’ll remember what I remember most about my childhood…being happy, loved, and secure.

What’s something you’re so glad you remember, or something you wish you remembered more clearly?

 

 

 

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9 Replies to “Things I wish I could remember”

  1. My earliest memory is on the front porch in Virginia. Judy was swinging in the swing with Peggy Hickman, and an old man pulling a wagon load of hay with a tractor went by.

    Odd, yes, vivid, very!

    UP

  2. I love rummaging through my old memories. I live a couple miles from the house I grew up in so it is a lot of fun to share memories and places with my kids. I know how you mean about the blur thing. When my oldest was first born I was dealing with some depression and things from that time are a bit of blur. Then when my second/oldest child was born my mom passed away, so much of that time is a blur as well. There are definitely wonderful things that I remember and cherish from both of their infancies, but too much is a blur. And now I know what I am going to blog about today or tonight. Thank you!

  3. My first memory is a Disney related one… being tramautized by Goofy.

    I often tell my girls about how after church we would kind of trade off and go to each other’s house for the afternoon, and then our parents would bring us back for church on Sunday evening to go back home. On one particular day, your mom said that I could only come over if I helped you to clean your room. We pretended we were princesses trapped in an attic and that was our home… so we had to make it nice and neat.

    I don’t think the room ever got done.

    I think it was after you moved out of the “office/closet” room that was approximately the size of a shoe box to the room on the side of the house… not the room facing the street.

    If you need more memories from your childhood, let me know. I am sure I can drudge up some goodies.

  4. When I was 2, my paternal grandparents came to live with us for the last few months of my grandfather’s life. We had a hospital bed set up in the liviing room and in the mornings I would go downstairs and climb up on my grandfather’s chest and play with him. To hear my grandmother tell it, it brought him so much joy. I can very vaguely remember that. But sometimes I wonder if I actually can remember that or if it’s just that I’ve heard the story so many times that I have made it into a memory. I can also vaguely remember my maternal great grandparents who died shortly after I turned 2 (within 3 days of each other).

  5. I remember reading to the three of you at night…The Narnia series, Little House series, Charlotte’s Web and Stuart Little. I remember singing lots of songs to all of you as little kids and especially singing to you, “I’ll be loving you always” and that song is still true.I remember praying for the three of you all of your lives and I still do. Now I just have your wonderful spouses and nine wonderful grandchildren to add to my list.

  6. Not kid-related, but the best wedding gift I got was a reminder to stop and take mental pictures of the day so I would remember it. I had heard so many of my friends and relatives say their wedding day was a blur, so I really appreciated that tip and try to pass it along to other brides. I still try to stop and take mental pictures of special times I want to remember with my girls now.

  7. I am so glad to hear someone else has that problem. I know I had a great childhood. I grew up in a loving home and we spent time together. When I try to think of cozy memories I just cant dredge up anything. I think my youngest memory I was like 3 and we went in the ditch at the end of the driveway in a snowstorm in our farmers truck. The truck tipped over sideways and I had to get lifted through the open window. It bothers me that I cant think of a ton of moments in my life.

  8. I find I have the same trouble. I think that some of the memories I have are connected very closely with photographs I have of those moments. That’s why photography (to me) is so important. Because I am so visually-cued, I want to take pictures of the things that I want to remember, so that I will be able to remember them later.

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