Mommin' It Up!

January 21, 2009

The Great Underthong Mystery of ’09

Last night I received an email from my brother, who has two boys, ages nine and eleven. The email was to me and to my other brother, who has four kids of his own. It read:

We partially cleaned the boys’ room tonight. I found the pictured item under their bed. Neither of them will confess to making a custom-made boys size 16 Fruit of the Loom thong. I wondered if one of your kids wanted to confess.

It was accompanied by the following pictures:

After Bobby and I laughed so hard that Joshua came into the room concerned for our well-being, I picked up the phone to talk to my brother and help him solve this mystery. His kids love Star Wars, so to protect their identities, we’ll call them Luke Skywalker (age 9) and Han Solo (age 11).

Me: Dude, what is THAT about?
Bro: I have no idea.
Me: Anyone confessed yet?
Bro: They both swear up and down they didn’t do it. But it HAD to be Luke Skywalker.

After cracking up a bit more, we hung up. Then later in evening, I got this email:

Luke Skywalker confessed. He said he was playing a joke on Han Solo. He thought, “It would be funny.” (He was right!) Han Solo said he threw them under the bed because he thought Luke Skywalker might get in trouble.

Here’s my question: Did Luke Skywalker just think Han Solo wasn’t going to notice that his Fruit of the Looms now consisted of only three thin straps of scrappy fabric and just put them on? ‘Cause dude, eleven-year-old boys can be clueless, but I don’t think those not-so-tighty-whiteys can get by anyone!

Oh and by the way, the email also said that as soon as Luke Skywalker confessed, he asked, “Do you think this will be on Aunt Jenny’s blog?”

Does Yoda have hairy ears, kid??

January 20, 2009January 20, 2009

Dirty Ducks and Foul-Mouthed Fish

My four-year-old son is really into knock-knock jokes, and consequently, so is my two-year-old daughter. She has no idea what she’s saying or what they mean, but she thinks she’s hysterical. So the other night, while I was out running errands, my husband gave the kids fish sticks for dinner and decided to turn the fish sticks into a knock-knock joke.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish!
Fish who?
Fish for dinner! Eat your fish sticks!

Hilarious, right? Well, my little Sophie thought it was hilarious, and kept telling it over and over, in her typical loud exuberance. Only when she tells, it, it sounds like this:

Knock, knock.
(who’s there?)
B*TCH!
(fish who?)
ha ha ha ha B*TCH! ha ha ha ha!

Yeah. As hard as we tried to get her to pronounce the “f” and the “sh” sounds, it just keeps coming out “B*TCH!” Sadly, there are few things cuter than a cutie-pie of a two-year-old screaming “B*TCH” and laughing about it. Once again, Bobby and I were in hysterics. We even got it on video. Yes, we are awesome parents! Of course Sophie felt the need to tell her new joke over and over at our house church Sunday night, so Bobby and I had some ‘splaining to do. Soph really raised some eyebrows!

Sophie’s new favorite epithet reminds me of the time Emily and I took Kate and Joshua to the Indy Children’s museum. The whole place is awesome, but as they were 21 and 23 months old at the time, respectively, we spent most of our time in the really amazing toddler area they have there. The kids especially liked the water play area with lots of boats and rubber ducks.

Kate, being the bright, verbal toddler that she was, liked picking the ducks up and saying “QUACK QUACK QUACK!”

Only it didn’t sound like “quack”. It sounded like what quack would sound like if you took out the “a” and put an “f” where the “q” is.

That’s right, Kate was cussing out the ducks! A panicked Emily kept saying, “Kate, can you say QUACK!?” To which Kate would reply, “F***, F***, F***!”

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

Because, as sad as this is, there are few things cuter than a cutie-pie-of-a-21-month old cussing out some rubber duckies.

And it also makes one very popular with the other parents in the water play area!

January 16, 2009

When Savings Lead to Giving

This weekend I’m taking part in a blog blast sponsored by the Parent Bloggers Network and the Quaker Oats Company to spread the word about their Start With Substance campaign to donate up to one million bowls of oatmeal to those in need! Check out the Start With Substance Website to see how YOU can help make it happen!

Quaker has challenged bloggers to write about how our families have helped others or will be helping others in 2009. I’ve written (approximately) a million times in my life about how couponing has been a blessing to me and my family. But one of the things I love most about couponing is that it’s allowed us to be a blessing to others. Before couponing, we didn’t have resources to just give to people in need. Now, while we still may not have wads of cash to give away, we can meet material needs with all the extras I get through couponing.

Take the blood glucose monitors pictured above, for instance. I get these for free with coupons and usually “make money” on them via rebate or CVS ExtraCare bucks. No one in my family has diabetes, so we donate them to our local non-profit Hospice. Their patients use them only a short time, and since these items can’t be re-used, re-stocking them can be costly. Last year we donated about 15 of these, and this year as you can see, I already have a stack ready to take over there. I believe they do very valuable work there, and I feel great about donating to them.

In 2008, because of couponing, my family donated hundreds of dollars of toiletries, cleaning products, and hygiene items to local women’s shelters, church efforts, and just individuals that we or friends knew of who were down on their luck. These items can mean a lot because you see, food stamps only buy food. They won’t buy paper towels, diapers, or Lysol. I’ve given deodorant to a grateful mom of three stinky teenage boys and a bag full of makeup to a twenty-year-old girl who couldn’t afford to buy it for herself and was overjoyed to get it, and diapers and wipes to a family at my mom’s church who took in the THREE young kids of a relative who was too busy doing drugs to care for her kids. I can be generous, giving away what we have because I know through couponing, I can always get more. But the people I’m giving to can’t.

It’s so fun to be able to make someone’s day with the little things. And the beauty of it is, of course, that it’s not costing me money out-of-pocket, that more often than not I’m able to turn my drugstore shopping into a profitable venture. So everyone wins, needs are met, hearts are blessed.

That’s what coupons can do for ya! What’s not to love!? When savings lead to giving, it’s a beautiful thing.

And just to keep it real, I need to let y’all know that this post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by The Quaker Oats Company. If I win, HUGE party at my place, and you’re all invited. So, ya know, cross your fingers!