Nothing irritates me quite like a purposefully-vague Facebook status update – “I just got the best news! So excited!” or “Brokenhearted.” Or something else equally annoying. Pass or play, people – post it or don’t!
That said, I’m about to be super annoying to all of you and do an entire vague post!
The subject of my question shall remain nameless. It’s important to protect the privacy of the pre-pubescent in question.
So… here’s my predicament. What’s the best way to tell our children something they don’t want to hear? Something of a personal nature, something he or she might be embarrassed about? How can we say “here’s something you need to take care of” without ruining their self-esteem and/or making them self-conscious for ever and ever?
I had a situation like this earlier this week, and let me tell you – I did it wrong. My seemingly innocuous, kindly worded statement resulted in HYSTERICS. I am fairly sure this situation will be the subject of several therapy sessions to come. Hers and mine.
Anyone have advice for me?
Self esteem is overrated.
From the kid who’s mother once told her, “Mackenzie you’re just going to have to sing quieter, you’re throwing everyone else off.”, she’ll get over it and thank you later.
Faith cried over a HOT DOG the other day. A FRIGGIN HOT DOG at the consession stand at a high school. Hysterics will come with anything and everything. As will the sentiments that you are the worst mom ever.
I say be matter of fact about it, and move on. Like ripping the band-aid off.
And then run for cover.
This reminds me of that scene in The 40-year Old Virgin when the teenager if flipping out and Steve Carrell says, “She sounds like tea kettle.”
Hope you get it all straightened out. I have no advice. I am not known for being delicate.
Have you ever walked around in public all day with the tag hanging out of your blouse or with a dryer sheet creeping out of your sleeve and nobody told you? Of course, your husband didn’t even notice. LOL Sometimes someone needs to say something and you probably did her a big favor by being the one to do it. Who loves her more? You are a great mom!
Let your child know that something like this is better coming from you than from others (if it’s something potentially embarassing).
I’ve encountered many (soooo many) of these and I definitely didn’t always handle them as delicately as I could, but some things I can recall going better than I expected; and the ones that didn’t, blew over quickly. Without guessing your dilemma, many of our conversations started with, “Hey! Let’s go shopping!” (Hmm… could be why my girls both seem to have shopping addictions.)
I can only guess at your issue, but we’ve had a few of our own recently dealing with my nine year old daughter. She does best when I act super casual about a new issue – and remind her a lot that everybody has to deal with whatever personal “issue”. I also like to pull out the Care & Keeping of You book for backup – like, see, it’s in print, so it’s real for everybody!
That said, she’s also gone into hysterics sometimes… so I remind her that she’d rather hear it from mom, and then tease her that she doesn’t want to be known around school as the girl with B.O., stinky breath, waxy ears, etc.. That usually makes her come around and smile.
From someone whose mother only gave criticism with the intention of causing pain and never shared things she should have, I can say I’m quite certain your daughter will thank you in the long run. It’s just that pre-pubescence and early puberty are the most awkwardly mortifying years of a girl’s life. Changes are a-coming – physically, emotionally, intellectually – and everyone knows it. Meanwhile they are sort of “in training” to be young ladies, which can be quite hard on certain girls. Honesty and kindness are key here – though if your daughter would take this feedback from another lady in her life (aunt, family friend, church family, babysitter), it might spare some hysterics to do it that way.
The one exception to “honesty is the best policy” is if it involves any sort of disordered eating or self-harm. I never knew anyone who actually benefited from the “you’re looking a bit tubby these days” talk. Better to just ditch the junk food and buy some roller blades (or otherwise embrace fun physical activity both individually and as a family).