Category: I can’t sleep

So the baby is four months old, and I am finally starting to feel a *bit* like my old self.  I only have 10 lbs. left to lose.  The Wii Fit no longer says I am a fatty, it says I’m “normal” though I am RIGHT on that line and they way I ate cake at the the 4 million birthday parties I attended this weekend, I am afraid I am back in the fatty zone as of this moment, so I won’t ask the Wii Fit it’s opinion for a couple of days.

I still can’t sleep, so that’s normal, and believe it or not, I have been consistently showering AND putting on makeup every morning before I take Sophie to school.  I have two nice pairs of jeans that fit me NOW (thank you Lands’ End Blissdom sponsorship!) and most of my pre-pregnancy tops fit.  So I am decently clothed (until summer and I pray I’ll have shed that last 10 by then.)

But I still don’t feel quite back to me in one way.  Here on this blog, I feel like I’ve lost my voice.  All I can think of to write about is a funny kid anecdote or a whine, whine, whine, post but I don’t feel like I’m…relevant.   Like it’s all just meaningless chatter.

I’m struggling.  My days are filled with happy things but they are filled with hard things, too.  I am not adjusting as well to three as I’d like.  I don’t have a minute to just sit and breathe, like, ever.  And I try to get in bed as soon as the baby settles down about 9:30 or 10, but he’s been not sleeping so well lately and usually the first 3 or 4 hours is the best sleep I get ever and it’s been getting interrupted a lot…

I have LOST my ability to multi-task. Lost it completely. Can’t do more than one thing at a time.  And sometimes that is good, but sometimes it makes me want to hurl myself off a skyscraper.  Like when all three kids want something at once.

So anyways, that’s where I am.  I just wanted to let you know.  I’m trying, trying to figure out how to be me in this new context.  I hope you’ll stick with me as I work through it.

So we’re all used to Jenny’s middle-of-the-night ramblings, but tonight (this morning?) I thought I’d treat you to some of mine.

It’s 3:00 a.m. I woke up about an hour ago, thanks to some serious wind and rain, which I was sure was a tornado. According to our local tv station, though, it was only a severe thunderstorm warning. What does that even mean? I’m pretty sure that if it’s a thunderstorm, we’ll know. And it doesn’t seem very action-oriented. I mean, should we have found shelter from the… thunder?

Anyway, since then I haven’t been able to go to sleep, which is quasi-unusual for me. I am generally a pretty good sleeper. In fact, I consider it one of my primary talents. It’s failing me tonight, though.

Want to know what is keeping me up? This BLOG.

When I woke up, I had been dreaming about a giveaway for the new movie “Tangled” that I’m supposed to do. Yes, you read that right. I can’t sleep because I’m supposed to blog about movie clips and associated t-shirts and silly bandz (stayed tuned tomorrow! Or maybe the next day…) I have about 10 more reviews/giveaways that I need to get up, like, yesterday and it is stressing me out.

Over-committed much?

Unfortunately, while the thought of blog posts yet to do is keeping me awake, I don’t really have the mental fortitude to actually do any of them right now.

So instead, you get a stream-of-consciousness blog post. Yay!

I also don’t feel well. I’ve been thinking for a few days that I’m coming down with something. But I really don’t have time to be sick. And with the recent decision to start bringing Sam to the daycare near my work (which btw, this almost-illness was surely caused by the soup I ate last week that was prepared by the children at said daycare. I should have totally turned around and left immediately when I noticed that I was the ONLY PARENT THERE. Hello new daycare mom, you are a sucker!) , there is really no point in taking a sick day, because I’d either have to a) drive 40 minutes to drop him off and then drive 40 minutes home and then do it all again at 5:00 or b) keep him home with me. And we all know how restful that would be. So off to work I will go.

Anyway.

The weather has calmed down now, and the sounds from outside have gone from alarming to relaxing. Perhaps I will be able to sleep now. You know, if my husband isn’t snoring and I can actually hear the rain on the roof.

Before I sign off this completely pointless post, I would like to point out one thing. When I awoke earlier, in the midst of dreaming about my to-do list, and heard the storm going on outside – despite my I-just-woke-up disorientation – I was immediately so thankful for having a warm, dry, safe home for my children.

Isn’t that just about all we can ask?

And on that note, I’m going to sleep.