An important message from our sp@mmers

As you are probably aware, the internetz is full of people who want you to buy crap. Or just want your money. Some of these businesses sell awesome products and they appeal to consumers through advertising on traditional media as well as by advertising on blogs and social media.

And some people just want to advertise for free by leaving spam comments on blog posts and hoping that you’ll click through the link they’ve left with their brilliant commentary. I am guessing this must work on SOME level since these “sp@mmers” have  been doing this for YEARS and with GREAT consistency and persistence. We have a filter that catches most these for us, so you guys never see ’em. You’re WELCOME!

As I was contemplating these gems after trashing a few sp@m comments this morning, I realized that Emily and I might be doing you a disservice by keeping this “advertising” from you. After all, who are WE to say that you might not WANT to know about “home heating oil prices on long isl@nd” or “Billig Canada Goose J@kke” or my personal favorite, “How To Get Muscles F@st” (because you know I love to work out!!) Sooo, this morning I decided to let a few of these glittering advertising gems out of the spam vault for your reading pleasure. I am reproducing these with no editing whatsoever so you can get the full effect of the articulate geniuses these companies hire to “spread the word” about their products. I am however, going to modify the link names so as to not truly give them press.Here we go!

This comment is by “M*ncler Norge”:

Humour me for a moment and suppose you’ve just hit your thirtyfifth birthday. You can follow her on Twitter.The typical sizes of the apartments are higher than the regular homes giving you that extra living space.

Hmm, ok, I would humour you (I mean, I would if I were British, but maybe I’ll just humor you instead), but I’ve just hit my thirty-sixth birthday, so I guess I’m out. You CAN follow me on twitter though, thanks for the plug! Also, you should probably take an English class before you decide to write sp@m comments in English. Your topic sentence was SO NOT SUPPORTED there!

Here’s a life-alterting message from “S@c L@ncel Pas Cher”:

abercrombie often uses male models only once, allowing campus guys to go on to expanded modeling careers. I finally get the box unwrapped and glance at the product label. Furthermore, they protrude in the entire group, as many of them will certainly be wearing common incorporate general. When you possess vision, you develop a relentless pursuit to do what ever needs to be done to get to your end reward. 

Huh. Looks like I’m on the wrong track in my male modeling career. Do you guys think I protrude in a group?

This  one from “fl!ght s!mulator” almost had me. ALMOST.

Hello, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a
lot of spam comments? If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything you can
advise? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any support is very much appreciated.

I was all, “Oh we have so much in common!” So clever. I wish you would’ve left your home address and phone number so I could SUPPORT the crap out of you.

I can also relate to this one, who left his or her “name” and a long string of numbers and letters that I can only assume is a super-secret government passcode to the Matrix, so I won’t reveal it. Here’s what this genius wants you to know:

926881 226873not every person would need to have a nose job but my girlfriend genuinely needs some rhinoplasty coz her nose is kind of crooked- 648975

DUDE! If Ihad a nickel for every one of my girlfriends who needed a nose job! Coz 928314592, RIGHT??

And finally, the piece de resistance from our new BFF “Christy”:

I’m ext?emely impr?ssed together with your writing abilities ?s
well as with the format to your blog. Is that this a paid subject matter or
did you modify it your self? Anyway stay up the excellent
quality writing, it is uncommon to see a great blog like this one toda?..

Aww, thanks Christy! Fl?ttery will get you ev?rywhere with us!

So what do you guys think? Should we give these sp@mmers some more play or what? Can you believe we’ve been holding out on you all this time?