I have a stack of self-help books on my nightstand. I’ve read about half of each of them. I start one, but then I find something else about myself that I need to fix, scour the internet obsessively for the book that will change my life, and cast the first book aside. Over and over and over again.
I’ve got books about dieting, books about not dieting, books about listening to my kids, and books about making sure my kids don’t end up hating each other. I’ve got books about compulsive eating, books about how to get my kids to eat (but not too much!), books about living wholeheartedly, and books about managing money.
I’ve mastered none of these skills.
Yet I continue to search, to find the one thing that will fix whatever is broken inside me.
But I don’t know what that is. I continue to treat the symptoms, not the disease. I find something new to obsess about pretty much on a daily basis. My google search button is just about worn out. I’d say I don’t know where to start, but clearly starting isn’t the problem. It’s finishing that I am unable to do.
Maybe it’s my fear of failure. If I follow through with something – if I finally give up carbs or set a strict budget or take the right vitamins – what if it doesn’t work? What if my unnamed issues – whatever they are – are still there?
Then what?
Oh cousin. Give thyself a break. This is the 11th commandment! We are all hopelessly flawed. Throw the books out. You do everything better than about 95% of people in the world. One of my favorite Bible verses says that Christ’s strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. Our flaws are just another place for His glory to shine. And there is lots and lots of glory in loving your family, doing your job well, and being kind to others. There really are just a few basic things we need to be good at. Love your neighbor as yourself and you’re miles ahead of most of us.
P.S. I love you, you’re one of the best people I know, and I have very high standards.
This post is very transparent. I imagine that there are many other young women who have self-doubts as they have so many responsibilities and they want to do everything just right. I recall in the book Freakonmics that there is a chapter on “good enough.” Sometimes good enough is good enough!! Look at me…lousy cook, not a good housekeeper, but my kids and husband survived just fine and I have no regrets about being imperfect. I think that you are a loving person with good instincts about parenting and I think you should just follow your heart and leave the books on the shelf (except Freakonomics LOL). As in Proverbs 31, I have total certainty that your husband and children will “rise up and call you blessed.”
I don’t actually know you, but I think you already know what the One Thing is that will fix what is broken inside of you.
Yep, what she said. Get rid of all those books you’ve been reading to make yourself “perfect” and replace it with the Bible where you can be constantly encouraged that thanks to Jesus’ blood, you are perfect. Search no more.
Toss the books. Live your life. You are already the perfect someone for another, and everything to your kids. After that, we just need to be still and know that He is God.
I never read self help books…really, what’s the point?
UP
I have this in my planner (and I know you love planning possibly more than I do):
Discouragement = trying to do too much + not taking care of myself + comparing myself to others
Perfectionism steals away our ability to enjoy our lives and to feel the love of those around us. It is a tough lesson, but I started learning a long time ago to put away other people’s expectations of what I should be or do. This included not only “society’s” expectations of what a strong, gifted woman should be/do but even to some degree my family’s expectations that had been expressed much of my life. There is always a need to improve, to grow, to mature. I feel it constantly. But what is most important is God’s plan for you which is as unique as you are. You are unique for a reason because no one else can be who you are and do what you do. Don’t work too hard to eliminate that uniqueness because of the desire to become “perfect” as defined by someone else! You are loved – let yourself feel it!
Read unglued by Lisa Turkeurst. It is all about imperfect progress.
The great thing about the Bible is that you only have to read a few verses at a time to get what you need! I’m not one for actually finishing those self help books either!
Emily, I think most people have felt the same way as you. Does anyone ever feel like they’ve “mastered” anything? I think if you look back and compare yourself to what you were 10 years ago, you will find you’ve come a long way. Nobody’s perfect and we all have a long way to go!